#at least I did over on ao3 XD

[brainrotgoverner]

Holy shit I'm like literally almost in tears???? Storm Hawks, and the incredible world building has low-key been one of my life long obsessions. To have someone looking at, and liking what is quite literally my life's work (16 years!) in learning art and writing, in order to bring the many versions and iterations of my fanfiction Tales From A Torn Atmos to life, is nothing short of incredible to see.

Thank you, you've made an old old fan very very happy.

Ngl same both with almost tearing up when I saw someone like the religion I headcanoned and storm hawks world building being one of my obsessions XD but that's the way in the small fandoms, you gotta support each other to keep it alive <3

[chubsonthemoon]

It is done! This is The Death of Translation, originally written in English by @landwriter, translated into Mandarin by @thirrith. Binding is dos-à-dos, with English version on one side and Mandarin on the other. Bookcloth was handwoven by me, on my rigid heddle loom :3

More under the cut!

Typeset: Fanbinders are Liars

Full stop, this typeset would not have been possible without Eth and all their patience, enthusiasm, and willingness to do even more translating! I reached out to them *checks watch* nearly a year ago in July 2023 (lololol), asking if I could use their translation of TDOT in a surprise bind I wanted to send along with Gloam's author copy of Flower King. They were kind enough to say yes, and even kinder to answer my questions when I reached out six months later in January, when I was finally able to start work on the typeset.

We talked about the many delicious things that are bound to come up when discussing translating not just from English to Mandarin, but also from digital space to meatspace. Some topics I had anticipated, like font questions, translating the colophon, etc. But even with the topics I thought I'd prepared for, there were still things that came up that both surprised and delighted: for example, while AO3's website allows for italics in Mandarin--

--my publishing program doesn't (or at least, it doesn't without needing to manually tilt every character by about 10 degrees). So as a workaround, Eth suggested changing these cases of italics to the font 华文楷体:

Through no one's fault but my own, this ended up being only slightly less work than manually tilting every instance of italics--I wanted to be sure that I got all of them, so I ended up doing a lot of double-checking manually anyway, instead of relying solely on the Search function. There was a lot of cross-referencing with the Word document that Eth was kind enough to provide, as well as squinting and general swearing. I also did the same for the uses of Latin script, manually styling each instance as Garamond to keep it consistent with the English edition:

The only other time I've had to do font surgery this intensive is probably for my typeset for Tell Me About the Big Bang, which I had to port over from a PDF. Folks, hell on earth. Do not recommend XD I remember squinting at my monitor as I had to visually confirm every instance of italics, thinking I will never do this again. Welp, four years later, here were are: fanbinders are liars, LMAO. At the very least, using Eth's Word document at least allowed me to search by styles, so it was a little easier on my eyes. 🙏

Is there a script that I might've been able to use if I was more code-savvy? Probably. But I figured going at it sledgehammer style would be the least hair-pulling way to get the job done, weirdly enough. Still, despite my best efforts, there are a few instances of PMingLiU to Garamond and PMingLiU to 华文楷体 that I know I missed, and I know I missed them because I caught them after I'd printed/cut/folded/sewn/glued (cue more swearing), so Gloam and Eth, my apologies >.< please consider them artifacts of a uniquely handmade object ajslkdjfs

In addition to the fonts, there were also some other fun things Eth and I discussed, like how to translate the notes I usually provide on the colophons! In addition to information on fonts, I also usually include some variation of:

This private, limited edition published by chubsthehamster (Moonham Press, imprint of Renegade Publishing) in 2024. This is chubsthehamster's personal copy. Out of three existing copies, this is the first.

The thing that came up with this, which still tickles my brain to this day, was how Eth chose how to translate "Moonham Press, imprint of Renegade Publishing." To get a better sense of what word to use for "imprint," they asked what the relationship was between Moonham Press and Renegade Publishing, which got me thinking about the relationship between my lil imprint and the wonderful @renegadeguild:

What's all very funny about all of this is that we are now, in fact, going by the name "Renegade Bookbinding Guild," per our most recently updated Code of Conduct. While this renders the wording I asked for out of date (and thus, the wording that made it into the book out of date :'D), I think it's also a testament to how cool the work @renegadeguild is doing--like any artform, fanbinding is alive, with its own evolving language, communities, and ideas about the craft. And I love it, I love it so much. (Was this also a plug for our new-ish website? Perhaps).

There's more I could say here, but this post is already going to be long enough, so I'll move on for now! If you get anything from this section, it's that @thirrith is amazing and very patient and kind, and I'm so grateful that we got to talk shop together. Thank you so much for all your invaluable help with this, Eth! I hope the typeset, though undoubtedly flawed, does your hard work justice!

Binding: Or, SO Much Math. Like, So Much, Guys. (It was worth it, though!)

Whoo, boy! So math was never my strong suit in school, but when I set out to do this bind last year, that wasn't an issue. At first. The dos-à-dos binding, if anything, just requires a little bit of finagling on the usual case-bound format--a bit more math if you want to do an all-cloth cover, like I planned on doing, but nothing I couldn't work out with some trial and error. (My prototype below!)

Then came February, when I took a weaving class with my friend, and then everything kinda exploded.

My original idea was to use some green Duo bookcloth I had on hand (this color, actually)--for those of you not initiated into the Duo cult, Duo is a Rayon bookcloth with a very devoted fan following in Renegade. It's very pretty; the Rayon weave is one color, and the paper backing is usually complementary color, so it has this cool two-toned effect. Duo is in high demand in Renegade circles because sadly, the company that manufactures it went out of business last year. (Although I've heard rumors recently that there's another company making something similar, but the cloth has a really high purchase requirement and is, like, for businesses only I think).

Anyway, I also wanted to have a gold line around the whole book as a kind of bellyband/obi to further connect the two versions of the story (another reason why I chose the dos-à-dos format to begin with heh), as you can see from my scribbled notes here--

But alas! I knew going in that adhering things to Duo is often Problematic, thanks to one very painful experience trying to get some iron-on foil on another bind (the textured surface of Duo just makes it kinda hard to stick or paint stuff on it). So if I wanted a clean, continuous line, the remaining options were to either paint it on a strip of paper that I'd somehow...adhere to the cloth? Or maybe cut different slices of bookcloth and glue them on. I wasn't satisfied with either of those options, though.

Then--the weaving class. I made a scarf, and I love it and I loved making it. But the whole time, I'll not lie, my thoughts were elsewhere.

In short, my decision to weave my own bookcloth kinda came from a few different factors:

The desire to attempt to recreate Duo, that elusive beauty, the one that got away, etc. (I have several yards in my stash, but still). Others have also attempted to recreate it, and I thought I'd throw my hat in the ring.

My current spiral into the deep hole that is fiber arts (it started with crochet, then knitting, then sewing, then weaving, then spinning, and now I'm eyeing quilting! Please help me).

The gold line. It kept bugging me. And when I found weaving, I just thought there was something very neat about the process of actually making the cloth for a dos-à-dos binding from scratch, and especially for this binding. I wanted to bind a story about translation (or rather, the death of it, and yet still the necessity of it--how we must try to communicate, despite of, or perhaps precisely because of, everything that gets lost in the spaces between people, and the tragedy of that loss, and the beauty of what makes it through, and the love always present in the effort regardless), and also, the translation of that story. Weaving is a very meditative process, and with every pass of the shuttle, back and forth, building slowly but surely the fabric that would hold the story that Gloam had written and that Eth had translated, I thought a lot about translation, and the gaps between people, and how we choose our words not just when translating, but when we speak at all. From a design perspective, I used the same colors I would've used had I chosen the Duo bookcloth--green and gold--so the design wasn't too altered in terms of color scheme. But I think the choice to weave the bookcloth--the thing that bound it all together--made the project take on a completely new meaning for me, both in process and in scope, one that hadn't been there when I started. I saw the warp, perhaps, as the original story, laying the groundwork for the weft, the translation; or maybe it was the other way around, with the translation providing the scaffolding for its own, new meaning, choices that Eth had to make with this word or phrase or another building something new, something translated, and the original a live, moving thing that wove over and under each word turned phrase turned story; or maybe it was both. Maybe it didn't matter which was which, in the end. And as I wove, the thing that connected them, that gold line that had started all of this, slowly formed.

All that to say: Good God, was there a lot of math. So much math. That prototype pictured above was actually made specifically so I could calculate exactly how much I needed to weave, lol, because while I certainly had enough thread, I didn't want to have to warp more than once. I'd learned the basics in my class, but the training wheels came off here. I wanted to make my own custom fabric, which meant calculating things like ends per inch, picks per inch, loom waste, shrinkage after washing, the width of that damn gold line, how much I'd need for the hinge, the turn-ins, the boards--the whole nine yards (I didn't actually weave nine yards tho heh). It was all absolutely worth it in the end--so challenging and so, so rewarding!

(And my final reason for weaving the bookcloth? Not gonna lie, It was because I just wanted to see if I could do it LOL. I love trying at least one new thing with each of my binds, and this was it for this project. While I've been bookbinding for a few years now, I'm still very much a beginner weaver, and I'm so excited to continue to learn and experiment! Also, here's a video of me unwinding the cloth from the loom, heh. I used 10/2 Perle cotton in gold and green colors :3)

Also, turns out, you can back handmade cloth the same way you can any other cloth! I backed it using my usual heat-n-bond method, and with some Unryu Tissue in the color Forest. Since the cloth itself is a bit transparent, there are a bunch of really fun fibers you can see when it's held up to the light, but which aren't visible when the cloth is glued down to the boards. Still, knowing they're there still makes me happy :D

Finally, capping all this off, is one final, small detail I really liked: ginkgo leaf endpapers :3 this one's for me and Eth and Gloam specifically <3

Aaaand that's all from me for today, folks! Thus ends (several months late XD) my last Binderary project for the year. This was probably my most ambitious bind to date, and gosh it was so, so much fun.

And, of course, thank you so much to Gloam for sharing your story, and Eth for translating it. I can't wait for y'all to receive your copies soon!

All my love! <3

[too-much-tma-stuff]

I Don’t Believe You Care

Y’all are my beta readers XD if you see any errors please let me know. I’m going to post this on AO3 later.

Part one here

------

The scolding that Bruce gave Damian was the gentlest either of them had ever received, but it did cow Damian enough that he behaved while meeting Cass and Stephanie. It helped that they were sweet, Stephanie was a bit energetic and overwhelming but Cass was quiet and seemed to understand them better. She helped reign in the over-enthusiastic family friend and Danny was glad to have her as a sister. She didn’t speak much, she communicated in signs that he didn’t understand but he thought that he could learn in time, and he wanted to. When he told her so she smiled and Steph squealed, insisting loudly and brightly that they would be happy to teach him!

He couldn’t help but feel relieved that when Alfred asked Stephanie if she would be staying for dinner she joked that she should actually spend some time at home for once. It seemed like she didn’t live here, though they knew of her identity as Spoiler and her involvement with the bats, all her noise and movement wouldn’t be a consistent presence around the house. Not that Danny didn’t like her! He just thought he’d like her best in relatively small doses before she could overwhelm him.

He would ask Cass to teach him when Steph wasn’t here, it might be just slightly trickier, but he could use the excuse of letting the two friends spend the time they had together. And maybe Tim could help him practice? He must know how to communicate with his sibling after all, and Danny could already tell he and Tim were going to get along.

He was even more glad that Steph had gone when Dick arrived because as the man came barrelling in like a hurricane Danny didn’t want to think of how much chaos and noise they would be together! For all his practice in social graces they really should have prepared him for this chaos, crowds, and friendly contact. But the compound had been short sighted and ill prepared in such regards.

Dick was the worst, Danny was almost jealous of Damian who could snarl and squirm and draw a knife on the man when Dick tried to hug him. Danny put on a smile and forced a laugh and pretended that his instinctual reaction to being held like this didn’t make him want to bite and rend. He knew that Dick meant well, or at least he thought so, the man was honestly famously good natured and cared for his family. Danny wanted to be on his good side, and couldn’t bring himself to actually say he didn’t want to be touched, or at least wasn’t used to it. The sudden, quick, and broad movements Dick favoured with his dramatics made Danny want to flinch though he had better self control then that!

He dodged hugs as gracefully as he could for the rest of the night and managed to sit him and Damian between Bruce and Tim for dinner, with Danny sitting next to Tim of course. The food was good, and everyone in the family was very welcoming, but by the end of it Danny was exhausted.

He was good at this sort of thing, trained to charm, and redirect apparently effortlessly, but the thing was it wasn’t effortless, and these sorts of situations were harder to simulate then battle. Danny had done a good job, he could tell that he had them charmed, and had them warming up to Damian too actually, but he also knew that he was drooping. He should hide his fatigue, but he was still human, he yawned.

“You’ve had a long day young masters,” Alfred said, instantly picking up on the mood, he was an impressive man and they both knew it. “Now that you’ve eaten why don’t you go settle in your rooms and get some rest? I took the liberty of going to buy you some pajamas and basics that should fit the two of you. I’m sure Master Bruce will be happy to take you both out to buy clothes more suited to your taste tomorrow,” he added.

“I think that’s a good idea, don’t you Damian,” Danny asked, glancing over at his brother.

“I’m not tired,” Damian harrumphed, of course he wouldn’t admit defeat. “But I would like to see where we will be staying,” He added. No doubt he’d thoroughly check security and for any potential surveillance before he slept. Danny wasn’t going to bother.

“Very good young Masters,” Alfred said with a nod, pausing to look back at Dick. “Will you be staying the night as well?” He asked the older man, who gave a rueful smile and shook his head.

“I’m needed in Bludhaven, I was able to come for the day on such short notice but I couldn’t get more time off. I’ll schedule a proper vacation as soon as possible so I can come back and visit!” He said giving Danyal and Damian an encouraging smile, and Danny did a good job of looking disappointed that Dick was leaving even though he was glad to have some time to get his feet under him before more of the family would be under the same roof once more. Maybe he hadn’t been as subtle as he thought about dodging Dick’s affection though, because he didn’t try to hug either of the boys goodbye.

He bid their siblings farewell and followed Alfred up to his bedroom, seeing Damian into his first and then going into his own. He was quick to brush his teeth and change into the comfortable, soft pajamas they’d been bought which did fit perfectly. Unfortunately when he flopped down into bed, regardless of how exhausted he was, he couldn’t sleep. He kept replaying the events of the day, how he did, how he could have done better, what he had learned about the family and what it meant.

After maybe an hour once things had gone quiet on the other side of the wall and he thought Damian was asleep Danny sighed and got up. He opened his window and climbed out, he braced his feet on the sill and shoved off, jumping unnaturally high for a human to grab on the edge of the roof and drag himself up onto it. He scrambled up gracefully and silently, finding a comfortable place to lay, looking up at the sky. He stayed there, zoning out for a while before he heard a soft thump on the roof near him.

“How did you get up here?” Bruce asked, dressed as Batman this time, Danny glanced over and gave him a small smile.

“You can’t really see the stars here,” he said, looking back up at the sky. “I won’t miss much about the compound, but I’ll miss the stars.”

“Not settling in particularly well?” Batman asked, sitting down on the ridge of the roof, a respectable distance between them.

“Oh I’ll be alright,” Danny said with a shrug. “They always raised me to be your heir after all, Damian will have more trouble than me. Want some advice?”

“Hm,” Batman said, an affirmative sound.

“Take him to a zoo, buy him art supplies. He’ll deny he cares about such things, but I know him better then anyone and he does. Once he realizes he really can be himself out here, that’ll help start undoing the brainwashing.”

“How are you so insightful about the situation? You can’t have avoided the brain washing.” Batman asked, and Danny shrugged. “What about you?”

“What about me?” Danny asked, glancing over just for a moment.

“How do I bond with you?” Bruce asked, and Danny laughed.

“You don’t have to. I don’t need to be won over or convinced. Our grandfather is a violent fool who only cares for himself, teaching me to recognize manipulation showed me what he really was years ago. If you turned me away entirely I still wouldn’t go back to the league.” He said with a wry smile.

“Hm,” Batman sounded unimpressed. “You’re still my son. I’d like to bond with you?”

Danny sighed, not sure why Batman was being stubborn when his energy was best spent elsewhere. He sat up and looked over at Batman, tilting his head slightly. “I don’t need you,” He said somewhat bluntly. “Damian does, give him your focus. If you truly want you can buy me an instrument, and books on astronomy.”

Batman nodded thoughtfully and Danny lay back down, there was a few moments of quiet between them before B spoke up again. “How did you get up here?” He asked again and Danny sighed.

“I guess you have to know eventually,” He murmured. “Part of the reason we’re both here is because Grandfather couldn’t decide who he wanted to be his heir, it was always supposed to be Damian but something happened and suddenly I was a much more attractive choice.”

“What happened?” B prompted after a moment.

“You know about the Pits? Most people dunked in it come back less, in the mind usually, sometimes less human, feral and monstrous. But rarely, once in the blue moon, someone comes back more.” Danny glanced over at Batman, and when he blinked he let his eyes flash green, glowing with the vile waters the kept Ra’s limping along. He could have explained more about the ways that he was different now, but he didn’t want to let on more then he had to at this point. He wasn’t naive enough to trust Bruce just because they shared blood, so he simply said; “I came back More, and I mean, I’m still a trained assassin, I probably could still have gotten up here even if I hadn’t.”

“But seemingly being chosen by Lazarus made me seem like a better option to grandfather, and your… complicated feelings towards empowered people is well known. So they didn’t know if you’d like me anymore.” His eyes faded back to blue and he looked up at the sky again, he couldn’t read Bruce’s expression under the cowl anyway. “It took a lot of subtle work to convince them to send us both so you could ‘decide which of us you wanted’.”

“Do you expect me to choose one of you?” Bruce asked, unreadable as ever.

“No, not really, you clearly like having many children. Damian still thinks now that you have a biological heir you’ll turn your adopted children away, but that’s grandfather talking and he’s a fool. If you do choose one then choose Damian, I’ll be fine on my own but he needs the help navigating this world. He’s strong, he’s clever, he’s more observant than me, he’ll make a good detective. He’ll be more loyal than me once you win him over too. He’ll be harder to break of the bad habits, I’ve never been as good at killing as him, but once he learns the way you do things I think he’ll be a good Robin.” Danny said, pulling up his knees and wrapping his arms around them, it was a bit chilly on the roof.

Batman hummed and nodded, which was good, if he had continued to push Danny would have had to bring up Jason. He knew that Jason was alive of course, but Bruce didn’t and Danyal would say he was more likely to end up like Jason if he had to but that was a last resort.

“Well I want you to know that both of you are very welcome here. And neither of you have to be Robin, or anything that you don’t want to be. I’ll support you in whatever you want to do, and you being a meta doesn’t change that at all. Both of you have a home here,” Bruce assured.

Danny nodded and gave Bruce a smile before standing up and smiling. “That’s good to hear,” He said, while not believing it at all. Bruce couldn’t and shouldn’t offer such unconditional support after just meeting them. “I should get back inside, it’s getting cold, and I am tired,” He said, wandering over the edge of the roof and stepping off, twisting around to grab the edge and swung off and back through the window before closing the window and brushing himself off so he wouldn’t get to much dirt in his sheets before crawling into bed.

He wasn’t fully asleep before the door to his room opened just enough for Damian to slip inside, he wasn’t surprised, Damian and he weren’t as independent from each other as they acted like they were. “You should have locked your door and blocked it somehow. We cannot trust the mongrels Father has taken in,” he hissed at Danny.

“Damian, shut up and get over here,” Danny mumbled sleepily, not bothering to open his eyes as he lifted the blankets on the other side of the bed. He heard a scoff and waited as Damian did whatever he needed to to feel like the room was secure and then came over to slide into bed next to Danny. Danny held out his arm, they didn’t exactly cuddle even when like this, but Damian liked to hold Danny’s wrist and feel his pulse. He had done it when they were younger but he had stopped for a while, it had only started up again after he had watched Danny die, it was understandable.

Damian wrapped one hand around Danny’s wrist, seeking out his pulse and tucked the other arm under his pillow, no doubt stashing a knife there. “None of them are going to hurt us Dami. They’re used to having multiple siblings, they probably compete, but other then one notable exception we’ve never heard of any of them trying to kill each other have we?”

“You don’t know that, Father’s has never had a biological child before, they must recognize we’re more of a threat then the others,” Damian argued in hushed tones.

“They won’t, we haven’t even proven ourselves yet. We could be incompetent.”

“We’re not!” Damian objected, his voice raising just a little and Danny hushed him softly.

“No, we’re not, but they don’t know that. I would suggest we keep out heads down for at least a month, we learned what we could about them from a distance but we should observe them. We’ve never been out of the compound except on missions, we have a lot to learn and whoever does end up his heir will have to be able to pretend to be normal. I intend to take Tim up on the lessons on popular media, perhaps it isn’t practical, but what about when we inevitably have to interact with people our own age at parties? What about interviews?

“We don’t want to reflect badly on father and if we don’t know Anything about such thing, or have any hobbies, or anything of the sort people will assume he treats us poorly.” Danny murmured and Damian harumphed, even without opening his eyes Danny could tell Damian was gritting his teeth.

“Why should we care what the uncultured masses think?” He hissed furiously and Danny cracked a small smile.

“Because father does. As the Bat his reputation is half of his weapon, and his identity as Bruce Wayne is carefully crafted to both divert suspicion from him being Batman and to make people like him. Father understands well how ones image is a tool, and being a good father is part of his image as Bruce Wayne, we will have to play into it if we want to succeed.” Danyal explained as gently as he could, he didn’t believe all of what he was saying really, or at least the way that he was framing it. He was framing it in the way he thought was best to make Damian start giving the outside world a chance, and hoping that when he did give it a chance he would find he liked it.

It was quiet for a long time which was good, it meant that Damian was properly considering what Danny had to say. He was nearly asleep before Damian spoke again, rousing Danny from his half doze. “Alright, knowing these ‘siblings’ patterns would help, and I can concede the point on the importance of reputation,” He said stiffly.

Danyal had to suppress a smile at his brother’s tone. “Good. And try to remember that unlike Mother and Grandfather batman has a rule against killing. Anything you do you must make sure it is never tracked back to us, especially because he’s not going to suddenly stop caring about them because we share his blood. If he finds out we hurt one of them it would absolutely ruin our chances, or be a huge set back at the very least,” He added, again trying to gently steer his brother in the direction he wanted. He was being manipulative, but it was the way he knew that worked.

“Father should know better then to develop such misplaced attachments,” Damian grumbled but then after a moment of silence he sighed and nodded. “All of our missions have had to be done in secret anyway, with time and planning we’ll manage.”

Well, it had bought them time and that had been Danyal’s goal so he nodded as well. “Good, now sleep Ahki, we’ve both had a long day and I’m tired.”

Damian let out a soft hum and that was all, he kept hold of Danny’s wrist even as he fell asleep, as he always did. Danny liked it too, the physical reminder that Damian was there, that they were safely together. He didn’t think that either of them would have to sneak out before dawn to make sure they weren’t caught and punished for such childish behaviour, he truly felt like they could rest.

Part three

Masterpost

[httpskuzuu]

Softer

hola :D fyodor is alive - fyodor esta vivo I was thinking about making a masterlist or something like that, I don't know if when I upload this I will have it published or how I will do it

anyway, I really liked this and enjoyed writing it, it's longer than I usually post but Idk, by the way, I hated translating this, it was a pain in the ass, but that's what I get for joining a mostly English community ññññññññññññ-- well, this is mostly inspired by Sinner by TheBloodySadist, you can find it in Ao3 if you want to read it, I had an obsession with it a few months xd

jaja this has gone on too long, well, adiós adiós :p

Yandere!Fyodor x Reader

English is not my mother tongue, sorry for the mistakes

sumary: You tried to escape and now you have to take the consequences, but you make something change in Fyodor... (juju, mistery >:p) Pt.2

tw: yandere behavior, kidnapping, failed escape attempt, explicit punishment, explicit violence, blood, broken bones, humiliation¿, manipulation, brainwashing, stockholm syndrome, reader needs therapy, stabbing, nudity, sedative, Fyodor is a fucking tw

You tremble under the weight of the boot on your ribs, you swear that at some point you hear them cracking along with an agonizing pain throughout your body.

The pressure on your body makes it impossible for you to breathe properly, which is a serious problem considering you are hyperventilating. Every breath burns your exhausted lungs and aggravates the pain.

You'd ask Fyodor to kill you already if it weren't for the fact that your throat is in a terrible condition from so much screaming and pleading.

"Well, I see I can't trust you, can I?" Despite the situation, Fyodor's tone provokes you inner anger, sounding so sarcastic. Something deep inside you tells you it's not sarcasm, it's concern, but you can't believe it, especially not coming from Fyodor.

You imagine that, if you had the strength at this moment, you would kill him with your own hands. You know well you wouldn't be able to, but it's pleasant to think about it.

"I do everything for you, and still you try to escape." He puts more pressure against your ribs and you've never felt as much pain as you do now. "You spoiled brat." He growls and his Russian accent becomes much thicker.

He removes his foot from your body and you can breathe. Relief courses through your veins and, out of pure instinct, you thank him for that act of kindness. He could have stretched it out longer, put more pressure on you and broken your ribs more, but he was merciful and gave you a break…. A break, you know that your punishment is not yet over.

You don't know yourself and your thoughts. One thing you have to hand it to Fyodor is that his training is really effective, but you're tougher than that, or at least you like to think so. Realistically, right now, you just want to curl up against him.

A kick in the side snaps you out of your thoughts, you moan and cry from the pain, your throat burning with fire. You never want to utter a sound again in your life after this.

"Aw, you poor thing… Does it hurt? Now you know how I feel every time you leave me." He's lying, you know that, but that doesn't take away the guilt that settles in your head free-form.

You shouldn't have run away, Fyodor isn't even that bad if you behaved: no gratuitous physical harm and he takes better care of you than you could ask of a kidnapper. You were an idiot, you deserved all this for not appreciating your life with Fyodor properly. God… Why did you try to escape in the first place? The Russian would always would catch you, you were just causing trouble.

Ignoring your destroyed throat, you decide to speak. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I won't try to escape again. Please give me another chance, I'll be good…"

Fyodor kneels down next to your agonized body. He puts his hand against your tear-stained cheek, at first you flinch, thinking he was going to hurt you more, but then you lean almost automatically against his cold hand.

You cry harder as you feel Fyodor's gentle touch, you don't quite understand what's wrong with you, you just know that you want to melt against his hand. You close your eyes and tremble. You want a hug from him, you know you shouldn't want that, that it's disgusting, he kidnapped you and hurt you, but at a time like this, when you've been disobedient, he's still showing you affection….

"Shh, it's okay, милый." He catches the falling tears with his thumb. "I know you're sorry, but your punishment isn't over yet." You automatically tense up and slowly open your eyes to look at the man in front of you, there is a smirk of superiority painted on his face, observing your pathetic appearance.

You don't dare open your mouth to complain because deep down you know very well that you deserve it, you deserve the pain for being so bratty and causing inconvenience to Fyodor. You accept what lies ahead of you and let Fyodor pull his hand away from you.

With his grip firmly on your hip, he guides you to turn around. You keep the cheek that was previously receiving the loving touch against the ground a thousand times colder than Fyodor.

You concentrate exclusively on the Russian's hands, it's just an idiotic attempt to ignore the pain all over your body. He pulls up your shirt, leaving your back bare against the cold, why is everything so cold all of a sudden? Fyodor is too, in a way he brings you peace of mind, it's like he's everywhere, even in the air…. What the hell are you thinking? You firmly believe you're delusional at this point, these are not your real thoughts, it's clear to you, he put all these idiotic ideas in your head and now you can't get them out. It's agonizing in a certain way.

The only thing you hear is your irregular breathing, if it wasn't for Fyodor's hand clamped on your hip, you would think you were alone right now, and you don't know if you would like that more or less.

Something sharpening presses against your upper back. Everything breaks down in a moment as Fyodor makes a straight cut across your entire back. It hurts horrendously, especially as the blood starts to spurt out. You start to feel dizzy and for a few moments you convince yourself you're going to pass out, but no, your body is still holding on, focused solely on Fyodor's hand.

"Breathe, моя любовь. It's just a cut." You repeat Fyodor's last sentence in your head like a mantra: it's just a cut, it's just a cut. He could have done it much worse to you, you were fine, just a cut.

You take comfort in closing your eyes hard and imagining that you are once again a child at the doctor's office, that you are simply having blood drawn for a blood test because you have not been feeling very well lately. You make a fist with your hand and clench it, digging your fingernails deep into your palm, it's as if you are clutching the hand of one of your parents for comfort. There is no more pain, it's okay, it's all right-

Another cut, this time horizontal, creates a cross on your back. You don't care, you're at the hospital, and you're safe, nothing will happen to you. It's just a cut.

Fyodor stabs the weapon into your side. You open your eyes wide as a torn scream comes out of your mouth.

Fuck it all, do you really deserve this? Have you been so horrible? You assume that Fyodor simply hates you, that he wants to torture you.

Fyodor pulls the weapon out of your body, you look out of the corner of your eye and the wound doesn't seem to be that bad, you thought it was deeper because of the pain, but no, it was something apparently superficial. You didn't want to know how much it would hurt if he had really stabbed you deeper.

Fyodor's voice right next to your ear startles you. "Sorry, was that too much? Did I hurt my little one too much?" That mocking tone again, but you hear a hint of love and concern, or so you assume. No, it's impossible for Fyodor to hate you, if he hated you there wasn't that hint of love, was there? If he hated you, he wouldn't say to you like that: my little one, his little one.

"I can't take it anymore! Please, Fyodor!" He leaves a chaste kiss on the back of your neck, and you cry disconsolately, you don't know why, but you do know it's not because of the pain, the pain doesn't matter anymore.

"You can." Fyodor's voice is the ultimate authority right now, and if he says you can take it, it's because you can. "You don't want to disappoint me, do you?"

After those words you instantly panic, you desperately shake your head, of course you don't want to disappoint him! You have to accept your punishment, it was your fault in the first place.

"Brace yourself, dear." Fyodor leaves a trail of kisses from the nape of your neck all the way down your back, above the vertical cut. You assume he's filled his lips with blood and hate yourself at the thought of how attractive he'd look like that.

A new cut interrupts your hatred. You scream, but nothing more, you can take it, for Fyodor….

It's just one cut.

You don't know how many cuts there are next, you are not able to count them. You don't feel your throat anymore, but miraculously it still works, your screams are still coming out of it, you are relieved because you still want to keep your voice to talk to Fyodor, to ask him to hold you.

Fyodor removes your shirt completely and lays it aside on the floor. He holds you firmly and helps you sit up, any movement is hell for your ribs, but you endure it by concentrating on your kidnapper, on his loving but steadfast touch.

You look at him dizzy, teary-eyed and shattered. He is smiling, you have not disappointed him. Your head hurts as you cry disconsolately against his chest again.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying now? Your punishment is over, I won't hurt you anymore."

"You…" You're unable to speak, it's too much at once, the pain and your thoughts coming together in a ball of discomfort. You shake your head and hug him tightly.

"Are you afraid?" You weakly shake your head. It's true that Fyodor scares you, especially on these occasions when he punishes you, but you're not crying about it now.

Funny, you don't know why you're crying, but you do know what you're not crying about.

Fyodor is silent, thinking about why you're crying. "Is it about the pain?" You deny again.

Fyodor hums thoughtfully. "If you don't tell me what it is, I can't help you." You ponder on that: does he want to help you? Is he serious?

You make the feeble attempt to gather your thoughts and speak. "It's just- I don't know" Your voice comes out shakier than you wish it would. "When you touch me… It feels so good, I don't deserve it, I don't-"

"Oh, I see… Aren't you crying because of something bad? Is it because it feels good?" You nod quickly, yes, that's as close as you feel. You're happy when it touches you, when it's good to you. Were you crying out of happiness? Well, you guess so, although it feels more depressing.

"It's okay, relax." He leaves a kiss in front, and it breaks you inside. "You've taken the punishment very well, come on, you deserve to be taken care of."

The process of getting up from the floor is horrible, not only because of the pain all over your body and your numb legs, but because your mind doesn't stop spinning around Fyodor's last sentence. It feels horrible and so good at the same time that your mind is only around one specific person.

He helps you up and you let him lean your useless body against his. He guides you through the house, being patient with your slow pace. He's mostly silent, except when he tells you how well you're doing or that not long to go. Since when did Fyodor know how to talk so pleasantly?

You reach the bathroom, he sits you on the toilet and turns on the bathtub faucet. While it is filling, Fyodor takes some pills out of a drawer that you have always found locked. You don't know what the pills are or what they're for, but he hands you one and you take it without question.

You let your head fall against Fyodor's stomach, even though he is standing upright he doesn't move an inch and lets you be comfortable, he strokes your hair and you sigh lovingly. You don't deserve it, but you need more of this Fyodor, the soft Fyodor who takes care of you and makes you feel good, what did you have to do in the future to keep it in this shape? If you need to be damaged for that, well, you are willing to do it.

"The tub is full." He warns and moves a little away from you, causing you to raise your head. You miss a little that he's touching you, even though he's only been separated of you for three seconds. He holds you under your armpits and helps you up. "I need you to stand up on your own, can you, дорогой?"

You try not to focus so much on Fyodor asking you if you could do it instead of just sending you the order, and focus on standing on your own.

The Russian undresses you completely, his hands are soft, and you feel them all over your body. They are so cold, and you are so cold too now that you are naked. You are vulnerable, now more than ever, and Fyodor's fixed gaze on you disturbs you. You are simply an easy prey to hunt, his prey.

He doesn't look like a hunter now, as much as his gaze is like knives stabbing through every spot he focuses on, you think he's not doing it on purpose. Fyodor doesn't know how to be nice, he never has. He knows how to be neutral: he can keep you alive and give you necessities, but he can't kiss you and keep you warm.

But there's something wrong with all this, he's being warm because since when are his hands so soft against your battered body? You need him, you need him so much it hurts, is this his way of being nice? Okay, fine, you accept it without complaint.

When he puts you in the tub you want to die, the cuts on your back burn at the contact of the water. You don't dare say a word at that or ask Fyodor to pull you out, you're afraid you'll upset him, that he'll get tired of you being so weak and whiny and stop being gentle. Fyodor could have left you lying on the cold floor, bleeding, but he didn't. You can't be an unbearable child to him.

The Russian starts washing your body, putting special emphasis on your cuts and the wound on your side. You look at his serious face with need, why were you only now realizing how handsome he was? Mmmh, you must have been blind before. He notices obviously your shy look on his lips and he smiles, that smile indicating that he was superior to you and despite that, he was still keeping you alive and forgiving of everything you did.

He approaches you and gives you the only thing you needed to be satisfied for today: a kiss. It reminds you of all the good things, strangely enough in those memories Fyodor also appears and disturbs you minimally.

You question yourself that, maybe, Fyodor does know how to be gentle.

This is the proof you need to know that now this was a new version, right? He kissed you. You feel a warmth spreading throughout your body, now it is warm, and his hands are warm too. There is a big change in temperature and it feels like heaven.

After that, Fyodor continued to wash you with special care, ignoring how your face might explode from how red it was.

The only thing that could crush the heat was tiredness, you almost fell asleep a couple of times, but you didn't want to fall asleep because it would be like wasting time with this soft Fyodor, what if tomorrow he returned to his serious and impassive face? You can't waste this time or you would regret it.

"Go to sleep, take it easy. I'll take you to bed when I'm finished." You looked at him as the most merciful being in the world. He cared about you…

You hold back your sobs for these acts of kindness, you don't want to cry anymore, not only to avoid possible discomfort in Fyodor, but for yourself, the headache is unbearable.

You let yourself fall asleep, with your head supported on your knees and Fyodor's soothing touch.

You had a nightmare which you don't remember, or don't want to remember. You wake up with your body held in Fyodor's arms, warm and gentle.

Since when did everything become so homey? Homey? Would that be the right word? Describing any situation involving Fyodor with that word doesn't feel natural to you.

You find it hard to feel your body, and your thoughts don't flow as quickly and aggressively as they used to. It's like being enveloped in a cloud, full of comfort and calmness.

You just feel something on your side, at the site of the shallow stab wound. You think maybe it's some bandage, but your limbs are asleep and too comfortable against Fyodor to move them to check. Otherwise, you feel nothing, only someone else's hand on your lower belly, it's extremely intimate in your perspective.

You turn your sleepy head and glance sideways at Fyodor. He seems calm, looking at you, his face is emotionless again and it scares you. You come to convince yourself that he is still the soft Fyodor, if he wasn't his hand wouldn't be on you, he still hasn't changed, you repeat that to yourself until you believe it.

"… Fyodor, do you know what?" Your voice comes out weak and hoarse, you wonder how soon your throat will heal. You're thankful you can't feel it well, so there's no pain anymore.

"Mmmh?"

"I think I love you."

"Do you?" There is a change, minuscule, but a change.

You nod and look away from his face, you can't stand it, no. There has been a change, you don't know in what. There's been a change, a change! Is it good or bad? You want to think it's a nice thing.

"You're different."

"I am? In what way?"

"You're softer, something nice."

"You're drugged, you don't talk sense."

"But you're different! Seriously, you never take care of me."

Silence rules the room and it hurts. Why did you talk? What idiocy, it's your fault everything that happens now, all your fault.

"You cried with happiness when I helped you sit up." Your gaze returns to the other.

"I know, so what? You want me to cry again?" There are no bad intentions behind your comment, there really aren't. You feel your brain empty, and you can't quite interpret the situation, what is Fyodor trying to tell you? Is he angry? Is he going to punish you again? It's exhausting to use your brain in this state, so you just give up and go with the flow.

"No, I don't want that." The silence stretches a little longer and, for just a few seconds, Fyodor looks away. He looks away. "I just… I thought maybe you'd be happier if I treated you good."

"Ah…" He wanted you to be happy? Really?

"I know I hurt you, but you know I only do it when you deserve it, don't you?" You nod and the cuts on your back burn for a few seconds. "Good. I really want you to be happy, with me."

You feel like at any moment the old Fyodor will appear through the door and say something like it was all a test, and then punish you for failing it. It's a horrible feeling, but you come to believe that it will seriously pass.

"So… Are you still going to be soft?"

"Yes, only if you are obedient in return."

Yes, yes, yes. He's going to keep being gentle. For some reason your chest hurts, and you sob, Fyodor has a few drops of surprise in his expression. You hide from his gaze and just focus on the yes, it's like releasing a horrible burden out of your body. You weren't afraid he was lying, something told you he wasn't, his expression maybe, or his voice, or….

"Are you crying with happiness now too?"

"I like the soft Fyodor…"

"Mmmh, that's good, isn't it?" He pulls you a little closer to his face and leaves a soft kiss on your forehead. You'd like to kiss him in return, but you can't move. "I'll keep being soft then."

I swear all I could think about while writing this was to to send it all to hell and make these two fuck

maybe I will make a second part

[icey--stars]

Hey I saw in your bio that your requests are open? Pls ignore if they aren't 🙏🏼 but I had this idea for Azris, and as the queen of Azris angst, I knew I had to at least share it with you

So I've been watching the Shadowhunters show (idk if you've seen it) but basically there's this seen where Jace gets possessed by some spirit thing and starts attacking his best friend, Alec. And they have a whole fight scene and it ends with Jace stabbing Alec with an arrow. All the while the ghost thing is talking THROUGH Jace and saying stuff like "Your boy's in there, screaming, begging me not to do this." And Alec is all like "it's ok, it's not your fault.". (I would highly recommend searching that scene up, it's the best angst inspo and I'm horrible at explaining)

Anyways imagine that buttt...AZRIS!!! What if after they are officially mated and everything, running their court, a new threat emerges that basically possess Eris who then attacks Azriel, maybe he stabs him, maybe there's a bit of burning involved (pls I'm sorry I know it sounds fucked up, but I love a good angst)

And then when Eris gets rid of whatever is controlling, how would they heal from that, like move on and stuff cuz I can imagine Eris would be feeling hella guilty and Az would want to forgive him but still be shaken up himself too...

Anyways if you do decide to write you can change it up as you like, I know whatever you come up with will be AMAZINGGG

You Would Never Hurt Me

Azriel is at a weekly family dinner when suddenly his bond with Eris alerts him to danger. What will happen when he realizes his mate is being controlled by another? What lengths will he go to? - 5.3k words of emotional pain.

Author's Note: Queen of Azris Angst? we sure? y'know what... i'll take it XD. I took a few creative liberties, but actually not too many... but I hope you enjoy :D

ouch my soul hurts. genuinely hurt me to write this but it just hurt so good. Also, I did end up changing the part about Az hesitating to forgive him because he was shaken up purely because the situation was so much more angsty with Az desperately trying to convince Eris everything is okay.

TW: Depictions of violence, mentions of blood, SEVERE burns, Azriel’s canon backstory, mind control trope, descriptions of severe injuries

also this was not edited very much. apologies for any mistakes!

{ ao3 link } { Part 2 }

↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣

The newest threat to Prythian had been biding their time for a while. Azriel wasn’t going to lie that he was nervous. He and his spies in both courts he had close connections to had been unable to find anything of use. The only thing that they seemed to know was that this enemy was intelligent and not without power. They didn’t even know if it was a fae from the continent, Prythian or even Hybern. All reports had come up useless in the grander scheme of things.

“Az, if you keep that frown on your face, it might just become permanent,” Cassian teased. He’d gone to the weekly dinner at Velaris this week. This time, without Eris. Normally he’d come along, but Eris had decided he wanted to finish up some of the paperwork and work on training one of the newest ghost hound yearlings some more commands.

Azriel couldn’t help but feel tense over the matter since he knew he’d seen more signs of the enemy closer to the Autumn Court than anywhere else. It had his metaphorical hackles standing on end almost constantly.

Cassian nudged his shoulder with his knuckles. “Come on, Az,” his brother urged. “Relax a moment. I know you’d rather Eris be here, but he’s going to be just fine. He’s a damn High Lord of fire. I think he can manage a night without your shadows surrounding him.”

Azriel sighed, nodding in agreement. “Sorry, Cass,” He mused. “Something just feels off tonight.”

“How so?” Rhys questioned from across the table, still facing Nyx as he tried to bargain with the child over eating his greens.

Azriel shrugged. “The shadows are jittery. The darkness doesn’t bring comfort. Something is just off,” he replied.

Rhys hummed in acknowledgement. Feyre replied, “Is it about that threat?” She asked carefully. The bags under her eyes were evidence that the little Heir to the Night Court was still having trouble sleeping since his visit to the Illyrian camps.

“I’m not entirely sure. But I’ve seen more signs of them near the Autumn Court than anywhere else,” he admitted. “I wish we knew what they were capable of at the very least.”

“Whatever it is, Az, I’m sure we can handle it,” Rhys said, looking up toward him. “We’ve handled far worse than one crazed individual. But if you’re nervous and you’re not even going to eat what’s on your plate until you get back to your mate, none of us will fault you for leaving.”

Nesta nodded from where she sat beside Cassian, but she was also just playing with her foot with her fork. “That, or you can kidnap him and force him to attend dinner and book club,” Nesta mused, smirking as she glanced over at him.

Azriel scoffed in amusement. “I’m not so sure he’d appreciate that, Nes.”

Nesta chuckled. “No, but it’d make your sorry ass stop brooding for five minutes.”

Azriel rolled his eyes, turning away. He put his fork down. They weren’t wrong to say he couldn’t stomach food with this… itch of some sort bugging the hell out of him.

Suddenly, the bond twitched inside of him. Not a good twitch either.

Azriel sat up straight immediately, putting a hand to his chest when more emotions began flowing through. Worry. Confusion. Fear.

Azriel stood up as quickly as he could, shadows flaring out.

“Azriel,” Rhys mused from the table. “What’s wrong?”

“He’s in danger,” Azriel breathed.

Rhys immediately stood up. “In danger? Eris? The Lord of Fire?”

“Don’t make jokes, Rhys,” he begged, breathing a bit heavier. “Don’t follow me yet. The wards will stop you. Just… keep a tab on my mind. I have a feeling what this is. And it’s not a nightmare.”

Then he winnowed, feeling Rhys gently prod into his mind to stay as a presence just on the outside of his mind so he’d know what’s happening too.

Azriel followed the bond, sprinting as fast as possible through the Forest House until-

Eris was in his office.

But then something stopped. The bond stopped. Empty.

Azriel burst in, panting terribly as he spotted Eris standing at his desk.

“Eris?” He questioned hesitantly.

Eris turned around, but his eyes were distant. Azriel’s heart dropped like a stone when he heard emotionless words come out of his mate’s mouth. “Eris is not here, Illyrian mongrel.”

Azriel squared his shoulders, pressing his already glowing siphon to form his armor over his body. He crouched down imperceptibly. “Eris, this is not a funny joke.”

That was just his denial talking though. Eris had never called him an Illyrian mongrel.

“Oh, he doesn’t?” The male asked hauntingly. “Are you so sure? I know you can’t be… being a bastard and all.”

Something slammed into his mental walls and Azriel stumbled back just as Rhys seemed to reel back in his mind.

Azriel gritted his teeth, forcing his eyes open as he stared into Eris’s eyes, waiting for the familiar clarity to come back.

“You’re pathetic,” Eris snarked. “One measly hit and it almost took you down? Weak.”

Rhys seemed to be doing something akin to building a second wall from within his mind, battling off something. Azriel couldn’t spare any mental energy to figure out what it was.

“Eris… you need to come back,” He said, but it really came out more like pleading.

Flames sparked on Eris’s palms and Azriel couldn’t help his flinch. Though his mate had been helping him overcome his fear as of late, something… something felt wrong about this.

“Eris,” he warned, eyes drawn down to the fire unconsciously. “What are you doing?”

“My name is not Eris,” he hissed, stalking closer. A dagger summoned to Eris’s palm, the flame lighting up the dagger’s edges as if it was some glowing blade. If he hadn’t been so shocked over the loss of his bond and the fear for his mate, he would’ve thought it almost looked cool. But right now? It was downright terrifying.

The male leapt at him and Azriel raised up his arms in defense, dodging to the side with only a few centimeters to spare. He didn’t want to hurt Eris. That was on the forefront of his mind.

But what was he supposed to do when Eris was trying to hurt him?

“Eris,” he pleaded. “Come back to me.”

Eris chuckled, one of the ones reserved for the lords in the council when they were pissing him off. “You know, your mate is putting up quite the fight in here. He’s been trained against people like me, but clearly not like you and your little friend protecting you.”

Azriel spared the moment of suspension to ask Rhys: What’s happening? Who?

Daemati, was Rhys’s only response and it was said as if through gritted teeth.

Shit. Eris was being controlled by a daemati. And though he had faith in Rhys, he knew that the male didn’t have much practice in fighting his own kind.

Azriel’s shadows rose like asps preparing to strike above his shoulders, as if sensing that this was not their beloved mate. No. This was an enemy this time. But he couldn’t hurt what was his.

“Let him go,” Azriel snarled.

Eris put a finger to his chin, tilting his head as if considering the prospect before scoffing. “No.” Then Eris leapt at him again. Azriel hadn’t been prepared this time- too much in shock to truly focus. His shadows reached out to cover his mate’s wrists in a desperate attempt to try and return him back, but it didn’t stop the dagger from lodging itself deep in his shoulder and twisting.

Azriel couldn’t help the pained groan that escaped him. He flared his wings and pushed forward quickly, grabbing Eris’s shoulders and pushing the male back. Though they were of equal strength, Azriel was stronger physically if they really tested themselves.

But the daemati had control over Eris’s magic at that moment and Azriel couldn’t help his yelp when the flames suddenly engulfed his hands. He wanted to scream and run, to get into the sky and never return-

He couldn’t though. This was his mate.

Azriel felt tears dripping out of his eyes as he pushed Eris back against a wall. “Come back to me,” he begged brokenly while staring into Eris’s beautiful fire-colored eyes.

“Please,” he continued.

Keep him held there, Rhys demanded in his mind. And release your shields.

Azriel really didn’t have the mental capacity to question Rhys at this moment, so he simply obeyed. The other daemati swept in, but Rhys met it head-on. Another presence joined the battlefield too- a softer type of darkness. Feyre.

A headache was beginning to bloom behind his temples at all the action occurring in his mind. More than anything though, his hands burned. The daemati was more distracted so the flames were certainly not as hot as they could be, but it still hurt.

Talk to him, Feyre ordered sternly. Bring your mate out of the fire.

Azriel let out a choked sob, his wings flaring behind him as he pressed toward Eris and rested his forehead against his mate’s. “Eris,” he begged. “I know this isn’t you. Come back to me. I know you wouldn’t-”

He cut off with a groan as the flames burned hotter. His flesh might be melting off to be honest. But he couldn’t let him go. Not now. Not ever. Azriel let another sob tear out of his throat as he pressed desperately into Eris.

“Come back to me,” he pleaded brokenly. “This isn’t you, Eris. You’re my mate. You’re mine. And you would never hurt me.”

Let go now, Feyre yelled over whatever clashing was occurring on the battleground between their minds.

“I can’t,” Azriel sobbed. He couldn’t let Eris go. Not like this. Not now. He needed his mate to know he was there and he would forgive him.

Az, let him go before your hands melt off, Rhys snarled harshly.

Azriel sobbed and stumbled backward. Eris remained standing against the wall as Azriel curled his hands toward his chest, shadows curling around them quickly, providing a soothing cold touch to them.

He kept his eyes open, watching Eris and watching his eyes. There was a flicker of fire there. Just a flicker.

“Eris,” he said again. The eyes went distant again and he snarled at the daemati, hoping the bastard could hear him over all the clashing. “Let him go. Let my mate go. Let Eris go, you-”

He couldn’t come up with an insult that could encompass all the hate he felt toward the being at this moment.

The bond flickered and Azriel clutched his chest. That put an idea in his head and he immediately brought all the love he felt for the male in front of him and shoved it down the bond as forcefully as he could. As well as some determination he hoped Eris would interpret as ‘You’re better than it. Fight back. You’re mine.’

Eris suddenly collapsed against the wall, body slumping into the floor. Azriel rushed forward before his head could slam into it as well. He cradled the male in his lap, tears still pouring down his cheeks. Everything was too much and not enough. He needed Eris, and that was about the only thing he could interpret.

“Eris, Eris, Eris,” he began repeating, pushing the hair out of his mate’s face desperately even as his shadows reported the door slamming open and Rhys with Cassian came running in.

They tried to grab his arms and drag him away but he fought harshly. “No! Don’t make me leave him,” he begged them. He needed to know his mate would be alright.

“We’ll get him too, Az,” Cassian said, pulling even more. “Rhys will get him. Come on, before your hands-”

Azriel held onto Eris even more, not wanting to leave his mate alone and afraid. Even if he was unconscious now, he would wake up and feel regret over something that wasn’t even in his control. He knew he would. But Azriel needed to be there so he could comfort him.

“Azriel,” Rhysand commanded sharply. “Let him go. Go to Madja.”

He wanted to disobey the command so badly, but his strength gave out and Cassian scooped him up onto his feet. Rhys picked Eris up into his arms and then they were winnowing straight into Madja’s clinic. Someone must’ve warned her because she already had a bucket of cold water that Cassian forced his hands into.

“Stay still,” Cassian ordered when he tried to twist and see where Rhys was taking his mate. “You’ve got to cool your hands down,” He told him. “Eris is just fine. He’s going to get checked out by Madja. You are going to get healed before your hands scar even worse with more permanent damage. Do you realize your skin is melting off?”

“But Eris-” Azriel tried to protest.

“Do not make me order you again, Az!” Rhys called from the other room. He saw Feyre winnow in as well, running toward where Rhys was. And Azriel was stuck here, useless, with his hands in a goddamn bucket. He couldn’t even feel the pain in the wake of knowing his mate was hurt.

He sobbed through his teeth. This was worse than his brothers burning his hands. This was so much worse than even the worst injuries he’s sustained in war or his line of work.

Feyre suddenly came up to him and her gentle presence ghosted along the edges of his mind before soothing something he didn’t even realize was tearing him apart from the inside it seemed like. The headache eased slightly.

“Is he okay?” He asked, looking up at Feyre. She had the most caring expression on her face and he wanted it gone.

“Rhys is with him right now,” Feyre told him. “Madja is there too, but you’re the main concern right now. He’s only going to have mental wounds. But Rhys can fix it, don’t worry,” she added on quickly when his face dropped.

“How?” He asked. “That kind of-”

“We caught it early and Rhys saw what was damaged in the fight. It’s okay, Azriel. He’s going to be okay. Now we need to make sure your hands are going to be okay, alright? Breathe and keep that even head I know you have. Eris is okay.”

Azriel sighed and slumped against whatever was nearby in relief. It ended up being Cassian. He trusted Feyre. Eris was going to be okay. And that was the only thing that mattered.

“Come on, Az,” Cassian urged, holding him up gently while still keeping his hands dunked in the water. “Your panicking will not help him if he wakes up.”

Azriel breathed and his shadows came up to whisper assurances that Eris was in the other room on a bed with Rhys and Madja. Cared for. He forced his body to come back from whatever super-adrenaline state it had gotten itself into.

“That’s it,” Cassian encouraged. “That’s good, Az. Do you feel any pain yet?”

At the mention, yes. His hands burned and not in any sort of good way. He didn’t dare look into the water. He probably couldn’t anyway since it was bloody. That probably wasn’t a good sign. The stabbing in his shoulder hurt, but it was duller than his hands at the moment.

“Yes,” he gritted out, huffing out some breath to suck more in anew as the pain now took over his being.

“I’ll get Madja,” Feyre said.

“No-” He said. “Leave her with Eris. I’m okay.”

“Eris is unconscious and Rhys is fully capable of caring for him. I’ll go over there too to help. But you need healing.”

Azriel sighed, knowing this wasn’t something Feyre would allow so he gave up on the argument early. “Okay,” he breathed. “Make sure he’s alright. Please.”

Feyre left and Madja was walking in quickly. “Get your shadows to cover your own eyes,” She ordered. The shadows, not completely under his will at the moment, took initiative and covered his eyes while she pulled his hands out of the cold water. They were numb in some places and burning in others.

Madja let out a harsh breath. “Do not lift that blindfold,” she told him and then the burning returned tenfold and he knew she was pushing healing magic into his hands. Cassian kept him restrained even as he tried to keep screams from bubbling out of his throat.

Alas, he could only stop them for so long and they soon spilled out. He lost any and all breath in his lungs all too quickly. Probably a good thing. Cassian kept him in a firm hold which grounded him somewhat but it hurt.

When he was finally given a reprieve, he was halfway towards passing out. When the pain mostly receded to a harsh ache, he finally drew in breath and slumped back against Cassian with his eyes closed.

“Come on, Az,” Cassian encouraged. “Let’s get you over to Eris, alright? Madja will wrap your hands there.”

Azriel could barely spare a hum of acknowledgement before he was being manhandled to his feet and forced to walk on shaky knees with droopy eyelids. His shadows had dropped back down to his hands, covering them from sight. Maybe that was a good thing, he decided. As soon as he saw Eris, he tried reaching out for his mate, but Cassian slapped his arm down.

“You are not using your hands, Az. Sit your ass down,” Cassian ordered. His brother helped him get out of his armor and leathers so he was just in his undershirt and pants.

He was forced to sit on the stool nearby, but was allowed to scoot it as close as possible to Eris to lean down over the bed and rest his forehead against Eris’s skin, breathing his mate’s scent in. It calmed his nerves just enough for him to finally take a deep breath.

Madja came in and forced him to hold himself up for a few more minutes while she wrapped his hands in white bandages as well as his shoulder. Then he was allowed to rest. Rhys pulled away from Eris eventually and he perked up, looking at his brother.

“He’ll be alright,” Rhys assured him. “At most, he won’t remember the fight, which I’d say is a mercy.”

Azriel sighed in relief and rested his head back down into Eris’s now cold palm since he couldn’t hold it properly. There, he fell asleep.

–––––

Azriel didn’t know how much time passed when he awoke. His hands ached like none other and if he had to be honest: everything hurt. Apparently, almost having your mate be gone to mind control by a daemati gave you some really bad tension to deal with. Specifically in his shoulders which were always the hardest to get at. Impossible now because of the thick bandages on his hands. The stab felt as if it’d already healed over. Perks of Illyrian healing, he supposed.

He lifted his head from wherever he was laying and squinted when he looked to his left and saw an empty bed.

“Eris?” He said aloud, sitting up and glancing around more. Someone must’ve moved him to the bed. But where was his mate? Azriel needed to be with him.

Suddenly, a burst of calm exploded from his chest and Azriel gasped for breath, not even realizing he’d been holding it. The bond. Thank the fucking Cauldron it was back. It meant that Eris was awake and okay enough to not be… well, dying.

Azriel groaned as he stood up, flexing his wings out behind him as he stared down at his hands. For Madja to have wrapped them so much he couldn’t even move his wrists… he must’ve gotten burned quite badly, he deduced. But, priority number one was finding Eris.

He tugged on the bond once, slowly wandering out toward where Madja usually sat in her clinic.

Eris was beside her.

Azriel breathed deeply at last, relief coursing through his veins at the sight of his mate being awake and even having a conversation with Madja over something relating to some sort of bright orange plant that looked like fire. He stumbled his way over there as quickly as he could, wrapping his arms around Eris and pressing his nose into the junction of his neck and shoulder to breathe in his scent.

Eris, however, had frozen. And that sent ice barreling through Azriel. What had happened?

“Hi Az,” Eris said hesitantly.

Azriel pulled away immediately, coming around to see Eris from the front to try and discern what the problem was.

For some reason, he had a guilty look on his face. Not a joking one- no, it was similar to the one he had when he figured out he’d accidentally forgotten something in court which led to the death of some farmers. A broken sort of regret.

“Eris, what’s wrong?” Azriel asked, brows furrowed in concern. “What happened? Did someone do something before I woke up? I’ll kill them for you with or without my hands,” he said, rage already pooling in his heart at the thought of someone making his mate feel this sort of guilt.

“No, no, I’m fine,” Eris waved him off, averting his gaze to the ground. “Nobody did anything besides that damned daemati.”

“I’m already killing him,” Azriel said to try and assure his mate. “I’m going to find him, tear his head from his shoulders and put it on a pike. Give the body to the scavengers and the head can be a personal trophy until it decays.”

A small chuckle came out of his mate’s chest and Azriel warmed up considerably, glad he could at least get that out of Eris. A chuckle was a start.

“Come on, Eris,” Azriel said, bringing his bandaged hands up to cup Eris’s cheeks. “Tell me what’s wrong. I’m not blind.”

Eris sighed and then gently grabbed Azriel’s forearms to hold his hands up. “This is what’s wrong,” he pointed out as if it was obvious.

Azriel’s brows furrowed. Then he realized. “Eris, these are not your fault. These are that bastard’s fault.”

“It was my fire that burned you, Az,” Eris argued, releasing his hands and standing up.

Madja stood as well. “I’ll let you two talk this out. Let me know if someone starts dying,” she says as she walks out.

Azriel looked at Eris, checking him from top down for any injuries or other apparent signs of his emotions. Both males had tells even if they were masters at hiding away.

“It was your fire controlled by that bastard,” Azriel argued, pressing forward. He paused when Eris backed up, even more concerned. It’d been centuries since Eris had backed away from his comfort. 

“Eris,” he spoke softly. “I would’ve held you back even if my wings were burned off my shoulders. It is not your fault. Take away that guilt from your mind right fucking now. I could’ve let go the instant the daemati lit the flames, but guess what? I didn’t, did I?”

Eris looked sheepishly now and Azriel opened up his arms.

“It’s okay, Eris. You would never hurt me. I know that. You should already know that,” Azriel insisted. “My hands will heal in time. There’s a reason Madja is so esteemed as a healer. And I’m pretty sure she even got to the burns faster than the guards did when I was 8. The only reason I can speak about that night and not fear the flames is because of you.”

Eris now had tears running down his face and Azriel dared a step forward.

Eris didn’t move, but he didn’t come closer either. “I’m sorry,” Eris whispered, closing his eyes.

“You would never hurt me,” Azriel repeated.

“Your hands-”

“I don’t give a fucking shit about my hands,” Azriel cut him off. “I’d rather my entire arm be torn off than be in a world where you’re controlled by a daemati. Don’t you realize that? I would do anything to protect you. My hands being burned is the least of my worries.”

“Az, I still burned you. In the worst of places,” Eris argued.

“You did not burn me,” Azriel insisted. “You would never hurt me. Trust yourself on that, huh? Trust me on it at the very least.”

Eris choked on a sob and Azriel opened up his arms again. Finally, finally, his mate went stumbling into his comfort.

“I should have fought harder against his control,” Eris said, voice broken and muffled against Azriel’s shoulder. “I could have. But it was just so hard. It felt like everything in my mind had gone under ice, yet I could feel the heat escaping me. Burning you. I tried so hard and it didn’t work-“

“Shh…” Azriel hushed, holding Eris as tight as he could. “You did the best you could, Eris. The fact you even still remember the experience is a miracle in itself. Daemati can be very damaging. Can scratch memories. Rhys was able to repair them but I was so worried about you. You have no clue.”

Eris sobbed wetly into his shoulder and Azriel felt tears slipping down his own cheeks as well. He let his emotions flow freely over the bond. Eris’s were still a mix of guilt, but now it was more of a lost hopelessness than true guilt. More of a “I don’t know how to fix this” kind of look.

“There is nothing that you did wrong,” Azriel whispered. Eris hugged him tighter and he smiled, squeezing him back as well. His shadows were helping him give more force behind it since he was unable to use his hands and the damn plush of the bandages did not help.

“I don’t know what happened beyond the fact I burned you,” Eris admitted. “I was caught off guard since I was tired and waiting for you to come home. He just… snuck between my mental walls and latched on like a damn leech.”

“You need to rest more. Now that we know we’re dealing with a daemati, we need to keep mental shields sharp. But luckily we have some of the most powerful daemati on our side. It’s already two against one,” Azriel joked.

Eris chuckled and finally pulled away to meet Azriel’s eyes. “I’m going to help you heal your hands,” he declared. “I’ll help you with everything. Anything. Writing? Done. Massage or oil? Done.”

“If this is you trying to make up for a fake mistake, don’t,” Azriel said seriously.

“This is me helping my mate through an injury,” Eris replied, giving a small reassuring smile despite the obvious signs he’d been crying not even a few seconds ago.

“Good,” Azriel told him. “I’ll definitely take you up on the writing part. I’ve got to write down things about what happened. See if we can piece together clues. And maybe it’ll help you piece together your memory,” he added.

Eris nodded. “Anything,” he repeated.

“But first,” Azriel said, putting one bandaged hand up, “We’re going to bathe because we both stink.”

Eris couldn’t help the laugh that exploded from his chest and it made Azriel all the merrier. He loved making him laugh like this.

“Agreed,” his mate replied. “Maybe we should talk to Madja about the wrapping of your hands first?”

Azriel nodded in agreement. “Then a warm bath,” he added. “I may take you up on the massage you mentioned,” he joked. “My shoulders ache.”

“You were sleeping on a goddamn stool when I woke up,” Eris said, scoffing in amusement. “Of course your back is hurting, bat. You should have laid in the bed not even two feet away.”

“I needed to be close to you,” Azriel admitted. “I thought I wouldn’t sleep like the dead and be awake with you but…”

Eris chuckled. “You always sleep like the dead when your face is buried in my scent. Honestly, you shouldn’t have expected any differently.”

Azriel rolled his eyes. But the little banter also assured him that Eris was truly okay. At least for now, those thoughts of guilt had been warred against and lost.

Cassian came jogging in loudly suddenly and he sighed in relief when he spotted them. “Thank the fucking Cauldron you are both awake,” he panted. “Az? How are your hands?”

“Hurt, but they’re fine,” Azriel dismissed. “How bad were they?”

“You do not want to know,” Cassian replied.

“I would,” Eris spoke up. “After all, who knows how to heal burns better than the Fire Lord who deals them out?” He said. But luckily, his tone was lighthearted. No guilt to be seen. If there was, Azriel would’ve slapped the back of his head to reprimand those feelings.

Cassian hesitated, but then sighed. “Skin was practically melted off. Some parts were down to the bone. Bloody as hell,” he briefly described.

Azriel sucked in a breath, gazing down at his own hands. How had he not felt that? Apparently, his concern over Eris had been that powerful. Eris also seemed frozen in shock.

Cassian shrugged. “They looked better after Madja used all her healing magic on them. I think the only thing she was concerned about was the potential damage to your sense of touch, Az. Like, light touches.”

Azriel hummed in response. “It certainly wouldn’t be any different than the aftermath of my old injury,” he admitted. “Just takes a few years for it to return to normal.”

Cassian hummed. “Well, anyway, I was just coming here to check up on you,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his head.

“We’re fine,” Azriel assured his brother. After a moment of hesitation, he sighed and said, “Thank you, Cass. You kept a level head.”

Cassian scoffed. “Someone had to. You should’ve seen Rhys. He was practically catatonic with the mental battle. I’m surprised his or your head didn’t burst. Or Eris’s for that matter.”

Eris chuckled softly at that, but didn’t say anything. Azriel glanced at him before stretching his arms out best he could without the use of his hands. “Anyway, we’re off to get clean,” he declared.

“Tell Rhys the Autumn Court isn’t getting one of my brothers as ruler just yet,” Eris joked.

Cassian chuckled and nodded. “Don’t die,” he replied with a snicker before walking back where he came from. Wing beats told them that he’d actually left.

Madja was walking back in too. “While I’d rather keep your hands wrapped, Azriel, I do agree that you two need to bathe,” she explained. “I’ll unwrap them, but they’re going back on immediately after.”

The shadows floated towards her, some settling on the bandages of his hands as if in question to continue the order she gave them last time.

“I believe it will be alright if he sees his hands now, my friends,” Madja told them with a sweet smile. “Let’s get them unwrapped now.”

Barely fifteen minutes later, Azriel and Eris were sitting together in the bathtub, mostly just relaxing. Azriel pulled his hands up out of the lukewarm water (more strict instructions from Madja) to examine them. His old scars… were almost gone. As if burned or melted away. Instead, deep indents remained. His hands felt as if they had lost weight and he couldn’t move his fingers yet, but Madja had told him the muscles still needed time to realize they weren’t melted anymore.

Regardless, it looked odd. The skin was pulled tight. But something felt off about them.

Eris put a hand on his wrists to put his hands back in the water and draw his attention. “It’ll just take time,” Eris assured him.

“I don’t think I’ve heard of burns this bad,” Azriel admitted.

“I have,” Eris said. “Normally it took a few years, but they did eventually heal if they survived the initial burning.”

Azriel hummed. “Guess you’ll be doing the paperwork for a while,” he joked.

Eris scoffed, smiling. “Indeed I will,” he agreed.

↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣

A/N: hope you enjoyed (and cried at least once because I SOBBED while writing this)

Tagged in all ACOTAR Stories: @bunnymallowo, @officiallyunofficialperson, @margssstuff, @rebloggiest-reblogger, @inpraizeof, @graciereads, @eos-princess, @bubybubsters, @fieldofdaisiies, @skyesayshi, @lilah-asteria,

Tagged in all Azriel Stories: @ladylokilaufeyson5, @marina468,

[tonguetiedraven]

Yukio and Saburota Todou, an Ongoing Drama

Part Five of my Critically Reading Yukio series. Good news! You can now read the other four parts (and this fifth part!) On ao3! Check it out here. I highly recommend reading them all in order if you haven't. I'm going over the full series and start from chapter two, because there is a lot it's easy to miss or misinterpret Yukio's actions.

(The excitement I feel at not having to hunt down and link all those tumblr parts xD)

Part four covered Yukio's reaction to the trial and started on Yukio's relationship with True Cross itself, manipulative and abusive organization that it is.

We closed off with a scene of Yukio talking with Shura in chapter 15, wherein he discovered that Shura had realized Mephisto was plotting and had helped him reveal Rin so that Rin could use his flames publicly.

We're picking up right where we left off with Shura commenting that she's worried about Yukio. That he's the one that represses his emotions and that people who do that easily succumb to demons.

This is never particularly well explained in the anime, so I'll take a moment to expand on that point. This point.

Exorcist work requires you to face and confront a lot of demons. That's obvious, but it also means that you are interacting with a lot of demons and demons are manipulative and feed off emotions to at least some extent, and they exploit stress, resentment, and anger.

If you are a person who is highly stressed, exhausted, emotionally ungrounded, and pessimistic, you are not going to be well suited to the high volume of demonic interaction that exorcism requires. (You're not going to be well suited to a lot of things. Mental health is far harder to maintain when you are exhausted, stressed, and not living healthily.)

Rin is a character who looks on the bright side of life (yes I'm singing that and if you did too, kudos! That song really applies, funnily enough.)

He isn't too emotionally burdened by his negative emotions or the bad things that has happened. They're essentially out of sight and out of mind for him most of the time. He's coming to terms with everything that happened and keeps his chin up. He doesn't repress most of his emotions, and he's quick to look on the bright side, often unrealistically. And to be a good exorcist, he needs to.

Rin is not the smartest in our cast of characters (he's in the lowest class of our main group) but he's also one of the harder to manipulate because of those facts. He doesn't fall too easily to the alluring words and manipulations of his enemies. He believes in his friends and he believes in trying his hardest. He might not (likely won't) get what the bigger strategies are or understand all the layers of what's going on with the Demon Kings and Assiah and Gehenna, but he's dependable and grounded.

That is, he is until the current arc. I'm writing this when chapter 156 is the latest chapter, and at this point, Rin is repressing his emotions and it's worrying.

Yukio on the other hand... Yukio, for about half of the manga, is fairly healthy and not exactly rested, but he doesn't give off the appearance of exhaustion. He is also very much repressing his emotions. He doesn't let himself mourn his father or really feel his anger about all the things that have gone wrong and the ways he's been wronged and required to do so much. He does not want to be the emotional and weak cry baby he once was, so he tries to go as hard in the opposite direction as he can, and it will lead to problems.

Also bear the above in mind for any character. Fighting demons and being an exorcist when you're emotionally and physically compromised leads to problems. This will ring true for more than just Yukio.

Moving on! This moment in chapter 15.

Yukio basically shrugs Shura's warning off. Entirely understandable as he doesn't respect her and she doesn't respect him and she hasn't given him a reason thus far to take any advice or wisdom she might be offering. She is not, thus far, a safe place or person for him.

She encourages him to be honest with her (meaning to release his pent up frustrations and grief and anger over all the bullshit of the last months, honestly the last eight years since he got pulled into all this exorcism nonsense) so Yukio roasts her. This was probably because it felt good, and it distracted from the conversation they'd been having.

Rin watches from his candles and gets frustrated that he could barely hit one or two and they're talking and joking and messing with each other, and neither one of them have still missed a single target on the highest level.

He looses hold of his flames with his frustrations.

And obviously that doesn't go over well, even when Rin tries to put it off as him finally managing his flames somewhat because he didn't burn them or their underwear! Progress!

Obviously that doesn't go over. Also, that's pair two of Yukio's glasses gone. Both have been destroyed by Rin at this point, but there will be some other causes.

Now we get a little reveal that Shura was trying to help him loosen up and it sort of works. He got to relieve a bit of stress with the practice and probably with telling her that he doesn't like her.

The chapter ends with them getting an assignment and taking Rin's clothes to leave the training area.

Chapter 16 opens with a scene of a kid getting abducted by some weird gas masked figure and the trio appearing at North True Cross which s the poor part of True Cross. It is a BIG town. Not just the Academy.

Yukio's vibe through this entire opening is tired and frustrated baby sitter. He is frowning through this entire interaction.

Shura is complaining and also giving off tired vibes, and Rin is almost feral with his excitement and not matching the general vibe of the others, lol.

We are pausing real quick for this panel

Because that trembling guy in the lower right corner is an important part of this story, and quite frankly, it isn't only Yukio he manipulates (or tries to manipulate) it is, dear reader, you too.

Saburota Todou. An officer for True Cross who is Warden of the Deep Keep. Those are basically the vaults. All the items we don't talk about and don't know about are contained/hidden there. Dangerous things. Things like the Left Eye of the Impure King.

I will tell you now, this man is a liar. As a liar, we have to be careful of everything he says. There are a lot of manipulative and lying individuals in this manga, and he is a big one. They will all seldom tell the entire truth and they will all seldom tell an entire lie. They like to mix them. It makes both harder to tell apart.

Long story short: someone stole the eye, they (exorcists) pursued the masked person who abducted a kid as a shield. He then knocked a lot of the exorcists and civilians down and out with the infectious miasma in the eye. No one knows how the masked man got in the super secret and protected part of the Tokyo branch.

We will before much longer.

Todou tells us this story and he is laying it on thick. He is trembling and stuttering and acting terrified. To the point that Yukio is wondering if he's fit to be in charge. Silently, and to himself, but he's already on alert.

Yukio starts to suggest he and Shura handle the masked man. They're interrupted by the nervous mom before they can, and she begs them to save her boy. Rin hastily say yeah, he promises that they'll rescue him. Yukio immediately grabs him and shoves his way forward to correct Rin.

He clarifies that they can't promise to save the boy and that she should brace herself for the worse.

Now I'm not here to say which is the right answer. I think there was a middle ground. Regardless, Yukio clarifies his reasoning a second later here.

Now this is an important moment to pause on, not so much for the argument itself because they're both right to an extent, but because it happens right in front of Todou. He sees Yukio struggling to corral Rin and sees Yukio visibly agitated by Rin's words.

And I have to point out that Rin called Yukio a wimp. Over and over again the core fear Yukio has of being the weak cry baby again is poked at by Rin. Yes, Rin likely doesn't know that it is a deep fear of Yukio's, but not knowing about a fear doesn't mean you don't hurt or aggravate the frightened. No more than Yukio not knowing about Rin's lingering guilt of Shirou's death gives him a pass for making it worse in their chapter 2 argument.

Neither brother is communicating clearly with the other. They're both stubborn and they're both bringing good points forward, but they cannot and will not listen to each other.

Todou sees and Todous schemes.

They all start heading down to find the kid and the villain who stole the eye, and Rin is (supposedly) left up top with Shura who is honestly just the worst babysitter. She loses sight of Rin pretty much any time he's in her grasp.

The group small talks and it is just instantly loaded small talk.

Look at the way Todou pokes at Yukio. It's subtle and well done. It's an insult while making it sound like he's complimenting Yukio. You're troubled he says, even though we, the reader, should at this point know that Rin is the one with the troubled background by most standards. Yukio has exceled at his exorcism work and his academic work and is currently popular among his fellow students.

The 'troubled background' can really only be a reference to being the child of Satan. Thus far, Todou is the only person we the reader has seen really talk about Yukio being the child of Satan.

Secondly, he also points out that Yukio is young, and we've already seen that Yukio really dislikes being called young and reminded that he is in fact young.

Kato is wasting no real-estate insetting up tension between these characters.

Yukio returns the observation with his own, and with a subtle side eye. He tells us a small bit about Todou's family, a tit for tat if you will.

Rin shows up at this point and Yukio gets, understandably, mad. Rin is a wild card to have around on a mission. He still doesn't listen to orders and he's already made it clear that he thinks Yukio's goals (retrieving the eye to prevent it from being used dangerously) is the wrong goal and their goal should be the child.

The bird is playing the role of canary in a coal mine. It sings and if it stops singing you've found the misama source. (If a canary stops singing in a coal mine, it's come across some dangerous gas and you need to get out. The birds are early warning signs of danger and basically sacrifices.)

I am dismayed to say I don't think this birdy makes it. They disappear part way through and I think it got left behind ;-;

Yukio lets him hold the bird and by all accounts, they immediately run into the masked guy. The masked guy that one shot from Yukio disintegrates. Yukio confirms that the eye is a fake and this entire thing was a decoy, and Todou choses that moment to reveal himself by kicking Yukio in the back.

He's fallen. He's been corrupted. He's the betrayer and the reason the eye was stolen. He's been pretending to be a coward.

Rin grabs the kid and runs, Toudou sends miasma and a shadowy thing at Rin, Rin flames up, and it makes the miasma on the kid grow dramatically.

Yukio can't respond to that or Rin being attacked because Toudou immediately goes hard after him.

And Todou does not stop talking and he will not stop talking anytime he gets around Yukio from now on.

A lot of readers take everything he says as an accurate assessment of Yukio's thoughts and feelings. It's not questioned and it's believed, even though Yukio himself will voice his own thoughts and opinions on Toudou's words and clarify what is actually happening.

I encourage you, reader, to take everything he says with some salt. He's manipulative, and he's talking a lot about himself and putting his thoughts, emotions, and motivations on Yukio.

This. This is what I find people most tend to put on Yukio.

"I decided to recognize my true feelings. I came to hate my family, this organization, and the world!"

As we go through this, we need to be careful who we're listening to. Yukio will spend the next several arcs working through different parts of this and the upcoming statement, but it will never ring quite true. It does not capture who Yukio is or what his motivations and emotions are. (Whenever he stops suppressing them.) He is not Todou. He did not murder his family and try to write it off as enlightenment. He did not steal a valuable and dangerous artifact that caused the death of tens of thousands of people and will go on to cause mass amounts of illness and steal an immensely powerful demon and force it into subjugation.

He is not weak and he was seduced by a demon or the 'light.' And Yukio didn't do all that in front of his daughter and then bring her into a cult.

He lets Yukio up with this statement.

Again, yes and no.

I think we need to pause and reflect on Yukio's relationship with Shirou, complicated and half understood thing that it is. To do that we're going into the past and we're going into it far into the manga future, lol. We're going into chapter 120.

Chapter 120 is post blue night but while Rin is still viewing the past. It takes place shortly before he catches up to the live time. Right before the manga itself started.

It gives us a really important piece of information, and gives us more of a peek into just why Yukio answered the way he did to Shura's earlier question about what makes a good exorcist.

This scene starts with Rin mouthing off and walking off, leaving Shirou annoyed but also hopeful because Rin does make breakfast.

So first and very importantly, "You can hear him?"

Yukio knows that Satan is still around and still attached in some way to Shirou. He knows it's getting bad. So when he told Rin that he knew Satan couldn't get Shirou without Shirou's heart being broken, it was because of this. We don't know how long he's known, but the scene makes it feel like it has been a while.

We see Yukio talking to his father in an adult way, and he's being treated like the kid he still is, mostly dismissed and not made the confident he longs to be. His fears are dismissed and he's told not to worry as Shirou makes it a joke. Shirou doesn't want him to worry because Shirou knows his time is running out and that he's leaving these kids in such a dangerous situation.

Yukio wants to be treated as a capable and professional exorcist. He was raised to be one since he was seven, and he has spent more of his life striving for that goal than not. He is often treated as one when it's convenient -- like when there's a task to be done or a class to watch -- but seldom treated as one when it comes to be trusted with information or with the help he wants to give.

It's a double standard, and over and over again we see that he can never quite escape the perception of being weak and a crybaby to those he most cares about.

I have no doubt that this sort of moment and every moment of trying and failing to get Rin to listen or be cautious for the last months flashes through Yukio's mind as Todou is talking here.

Yukio is visibly shaken, but I don't think it's entirely the accusation that he hates his family. I think more of what he's distraught about is that he didn't anticipate it.

He was caught off guard and up to this point, we've only seen that really happen once. With Neuhaus. Outside of that, frustrated or not, Yukio isn't really taken off guard.

(I'll add in an honorary mention of Rin using his head with Kuro too. xD)

He was caught of guard and compromised, and tricked. Yukio cannot ever afford to be tricked.

Now we the current readers realize this is just blatantly about the Illuminati. Readers at this time didn't. Yukio...

I could see him knowing something about the Illuminati, especially with all the ways Shirou was tied into that from Section Thirteen and the Blue Night, but I also easily see him not knowing it's the Illuminati. I don't think we get too clear an answer either way.

Regardless,

Todou absolutely accomplished his goal.

Yukio is panicked, shaking, upset,

Hearing Todou's words echoing in his head. Do note that Yukio himself is not saying these.

(I also need to point out that he's seeing them smiling and happy while he's scared and crying. Give the boy a hug.)

And it seems to me that this moment

Was learned directly from Shirou. When you are out of control of yourself and your emotions, when you fear succumbing to a demon, harm yourself. Demons cannot stay in those vessels.

He defies the words and defies the emotions, and he defies the meaning in them.

And the job is finished, and it's Yukio bringing the child back to his mother. Not Rin. Rin watches as Yukio takes care of the miasma that his flames worsened.

Rin is visibly mad. He was yelled at during this mission, not entirely deservingly, but the frustrated anger in his gaze feels misplaced with everything that just transpired.

What Rin does not (and honestly will not for most of this manga) see is that Yukio is the commanding officer here. He is the higher rank. He has the right and expectation to give orders and have them followed.

Rin does not have control of his flames -- last chapter had him spending a large portion of it just practicing lighting candles -- and that lack of control and understanding resulted in the miasma worsening.

Rin also does not like to be told what to do and really does not like it being Yukio telling him what to do.

Yukio on the other side of that hates being undermined and not being listened to. At this point, these two don't work ideally together on missions, and it is heightening both their frustrations and their fears and inadequacies. They creating friction and they both have a lot of things unresolved.

This happens mere days after the forest. Neither of them have had a chance to deal with or talk about that (not that we've seen) and they never dealt with any of the Shirou or Rin awakening stuff either. They continue to put off conversations and it results in issues with both of them.

Mephisto, as always, chooses that tense moment to appear. King of Time and Space has the best flare for drama.

I'm skipping most of this conversation because I've assumed everyone reading this knows the overall story. Suffice to say it tells us that the Eye was stolen.

Yukio is given the job to get it. Rin is getting more and more tense through this scene, and they're given one hour to get ready. Yukio leaves with Mephisto, or tries to. He's stopped by Rin.

We're going to most set aside how bizarrely out of line Rin's motivations are here for the task they just had (the implication of 'I'll surpass you' makes all this out to be some kind of contest, extra bizarre when Rin was just the one that pointed out that they should be helping people, but now instead of celebrating the child being saved he's wanting to beat Yukio, and I think we as a fandom need to acknowledge and look more closely at those often passed over and contradicting parts of Rin because it makes him far more interesting and human.)

Instead, I want to look at what this does to Yukio.

At this point, he has far surpassed Rin in most tangible ways. He has a better academic record, a higher rank, more respect among most of their coworkers, and he was the one that finished the mission and aided the child.

But mere moments ago he had felt himself panic and fail the impossible standards he holds himself at. He did not view himself as the winning party in that entire thing.

But Rin did, and Rin is made about it and wanting to beat Yukio.

Yukio...

Grins as he feels settled (at least somewhat) in himself again. Is he suppressing things? You betcha.

I am, unfortunately at my image limit (again) so we're going to end this part here. Todou will be back, and the ensuing drama from that will be much worse.

For now, I leave you with these two brothers who are not communicating efficiently and both about to be in danger of having their heart be weak.

[sotwk]

The Baker from Lórien (Haldir gen ficlet)

Summary: A visitor from Lórien brings some excitement to the kitchens of the Elvenking's palace.

Word count: 1.1k

Content: Pure fluffy randomness, mother-son relationship, toddler Legolas

Rating: General (no warnings apply)

To Read on AO3: Link

A/N: I wrote this ficlet purely on a whim; I had no plans or strategy for it going in. It could be nonsense, or I could be onto something. XD It's most likely going to stay a random SotWK AU one-shot, but who knows. I pretty much just wanted to finally write any story featuring Haldir, whom I love dearly and firmly believe was one of the most desired bachelors east of the Mountains. Special thanks to my friend @creativity-of-death who inspired the concept of a Baker Haldir long ago!

Headcanons about Haldir in the SotWK AU: Any questions you might have about the background history in this fic would be answered HERE.

The Baker from Lórien

Third Age 246 Spring

Bar Lasgalen, the Palace of the Elvenking

“Down and forward, turn, and fold over. Repeat. Remember to use the heel of your hand--this part, right here.”

The lump of dough felt pleasantly squishy in Legolas’s hands, and only with great self-restraint did the four-year-old elfling manage to resist playing with it like modeling clay, instead of following his instructor’s example. With eyes narrowed in determined concentration, he watched the steadily working hands of the elf across the table from him. After just a minute or so of observation, he began to mimic the brisk kneading motion.

“Yes, good! That is very good.” The visitor from Lórien seemed pleased, albeit surprised, by how quickly the child caught on.  

Legolas beamed at the ellon’s praise, and held the smooth ball of dough up high over his head in triumph. “Is it ready for the oven now?”

“Not quite.” The silver-haired ellon took the dough from Legolas and checked it with a few expert prods of his fingers. “It needs time to rest and rise. An hour at least, although up to three is much better, and then we can reshape it into loaves. Then it must rest again, before it can be baked.” 

“Three hours?!” Legolas exclaimed, already dismissive of whatever other steps came after. “Does bread really take that long to make every time?”

“The loaves should be fresh and hot out of the oven just in time for your Highness’s breakfast.” Legolas watched as his dough ball was placed into a large pan next to five others and covered with a dish cloth.  

“And a delicious breakfast is best preceded by a sound night’s sleep, is it not?” The voice that came from the kitchen doorway made Legolas scramble off his stool. He smiled sheepishly at his nursemaid, Ninniel, as she entered with a knowing smile and firm shake of her head for him.

The older ellon spoke up. “My apologies, Emmë. I should have realized the hour was too late.”

“It’s all right. It appears some valuable learning has been accomplished here, at least.” Ninniel took in the rather comical sight of her grown son towering next to her not-at-all-grown charge, both of them dusted in flour, and felt all her exasperation melt away. She dipped a tea towel into the washing basin and set to work wiping the sticky residue off Legolas’s fingers. 

“Will you come and get me when my loaf is finished baking, Halidr?”

“Well…” Haldir of Lórien glanced hesitantly at his mother. He was still unsure what to make of Thranduil’s sons, who all behaved without any regard or perhaps even awareness of their social rank. Legolas, in particular, had been unabashed in his fascination with Haldir ever since his arrival at Bar Lasgalen. Today was merely the first day of a month-long, overdue visit to his parents, and most of it had passed with the little prince turning up wherever Haldir happened to be, armed with a constant stream of questions. “It really is not my place to--”

“When your bread comes out of the oven, I will wake you to come and have it for  breakfast, with me and Haldir,” Ninniel interjected smoothly. “But the sooner you get to bed, the sooner you can rise refreshed for a new day, yes?”

“That sounds excellent!” Legolas threw his hands up, and wriggled his hips in a little sort of dance. “I shall be back in a few hours, Haldir! Please take care of my bread!” he called out to the bemused elf before bounding out the door. 

“Are you still finding everything all right, dearest?” Ninniel swept a light hand over her son’s broad back. In one touch she could tell Haldir was fairly relaxed, as she had hoped he would gradually become. Her eldest had always been the most serious of her children, and his nature only grew graver as the ages passed and the memories of hard years weighed on him. It had been far too long since his last visit to Eryn Galen, so rarely could he be persuaded to leave his post at the March, and Ninniel hoped the brief holiday away would be restful for his spirit. 

“Yes, everyone here at the palace has been… quite attentive.” Haldir smiled and planted a swift kiss over his mother’s hair. “The prince’s arrival sent them scurrying off, I fear, but I do not think he seemed to mind or notice.”

Ninniel shook her head. “The only thing they were running from was their own embarrassment,” she said. “I will let you return to your work, my love. Legolas and I will be back soon.”

And indeed, as soon as she exited the kitchen, she encountered the gaggle of young kitchen maids waiting in the hall, preparing to re-enter now that the royal Highness had left and gone to bed. 

“Lady Ninniel,” they curtsied to her, appearing only mildly abashed by her witness to their obvious intentions. But this was a small phenomenon Ninniel had grown accustomed to over the years, for it became clear early on that her handsome son elicited rather strong reactions from elleths, often without any encouragement. 

“My lady, if we may…” one of the girls blurted out. “We were wondering… that is, we wanted to make certain… do you know whether or not Lord Haldir…”

“He is not a lord, and he would not appreciate being addressed as one,” Ninniel corrected gently. “And as far as I know, he is not engaged, involved, or taken with anyone at present.” She gazed at the line of hopeful faces and pressed her lips to smother a chuckle. “Any of you are welcome to try and draw his interest, if that is your wish.”

But best of luck, indeed. Ninniel sighed as she departed, leaving the sounds of pitchy giggling behind her as the pack descended on her oblivious son. Whether there was any chance of a maiden in all of the Woodland Realm catching Haldir of Lórien’s eye, much less his elusive heart, she did not know. That hope had certainly not borne any fruit in over a thousand years of matchmaking attempts. But any diversion, any added source of joy outside of his work, his books, or his baking, could only be a good thing. 

Anything beyond that--dare say a betrothal, a marriage, or even a new precious grandchild--was something Ninniel was prepared to be completely surprised with. But a mother will always hope.

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[chenziee]

Consequences (of words spoken thoughtlessly)

Witten for the Surgeon of Death - A Trafalgar Law Zine!

I've had this idea in my head for like 5 years or something before I finally got the incentive to finally write it xD I hope you enjoy reading~ 🤍

After sales are live so you can still get your zine rigth here!

[ READ ON AO3 | KO-FI ]

—————

Law didn’t expect to come out of Dressrosa alive. No matter how many miracles the Straw Hat Pirates had worked over the years, Law knew that going against Doflamingo was nothing short of a suicide mission.

Don’t get him wrong, it wasn’t that he wanted to die. But there honestly aren’t many roads to take when your arm gets cut off and your whole vision is filled with pink feathers and the gold-plated barrel of a gun aimed straight at your face.

In that moment, Law had accepted death.

He wasn’t going to go without a fight but he didn’t particularly mind getting killed if he could piss Doflamingo off while at it. If his plan didn’t work, so be it. He was sure Straw Hat would finish the job even without Law’s help—and if he didn’t, well…

Then they would both be dead regardless.

And so, when he told Cavendish and Nico Robin to leave him behind on the Flower Hill below the Royal Palace to await their victory—or demise—, he thought nothing of it.

In retrospect, however, his half-delirious words may have been the gravest mistake of his entire life.

“Here you go, Torao.”

Law blinked, looking away from where he was changing the bandages on his thigh to instead stare blankly at the steaming cup of tea that was now sitting on the table next to him—placed there by a hand that immediately scattered into flower petals and disappeared.

"I didn't ask for tea," Law said slowly, a frown on his face that only deepened when he raised his eyes to look at Nico Robin. 

The woman was gazing back at him with an expression so soft and understanding that Law felt like he was five again, crying to his mother about his Stealth Black figure's broken arm. But Law wasn't five anymore. He didn't hurt any of his toys after performing clumsy surgeries on them. And Nico Robin certainly wasn't his mother.

"It's herbal. Improves mood and helps with recovery," she said with a gentle smile.

Law only stared back at her.

—————

Unfortunately, despite Law's hopes and wishes, the tea incident was only the start of it. Over the course of the next few days, Law was subjected to countless events of "here you go" and "wait, let me get that for you". Law would be lying if he said it wasn't driving him just a little insane.

No, Robo-ya, he was perfectly capable of carrying Kikoku himself.

No, Nose-ya, he didn't need or want his wanted poster framed. (The photo wasn't all that great, not to mention without his Warlord status and after overthrowing Doflamingo, they were all bound to get new bounties any day now.)

And no, Kyros-ya, he didn't want to 'talk about it'. Whatever 'it' meant.

At least Roronoa had the basic human decency to ask if he wanted any sake. Which was the one offer Law did accept without question because after everything, he honestly needed a damn drink of five.

It was only when Straw Hat woke up that it seemed like this… issue was over. While everyone scrambled to get away from Fujitora and his marines, no one even paused at Law’s presence, no one had the time to worry about his wellbeing—aside from his very awkward talk with Sengoku—and that was how he liked it.

But, unfortunately… it didn’t last very long.

“Law-dono!” Kin’emon called as he approached Law in his quiet corner aboard the Yontamaria.

"Kin." Law nodded in greeting. "What is it?"

"Are you enjoying the party?" Kin'emon asked… before casually placing a plate of food in front of Law.

Law took a deep breath and closed his eyes, counting to five in his mind. As if he was physically incapable of going to get his own food.

Not to mention there were umeboshi on the plate. Disgusting things.

Deciding not to comment on the unsolicited food delivery, Law sighed. "No," he said simply. "Parties aren't really my thing."

"I see." Kin'emon hummed. "Might this cheer you up?" Kin'emon reached inside his kimono, pulling out something small and bright red before handing it to Law.

For a moment, Law only stared at the thing sitting on his palm blankly, trying to wrap his head around it. Was this for real?

"A paper crane," he said, voice void of any emotion.

"Indeed. My wife often makes them for people; they carry good fortune, honour, and longevity. You may even make a wish upon them," Kin'emon explained proudly.

Luck and longevity, huh? Law thought to himself—and suddenly, he understood why everyone was acting this way around him.

He was too tired to deal with this shit.

“Oh! Kin’emon! Law-dono!”

Briefly, Law wondered whether he shouldn’t have just let Joker kill him.

Sadly, he couldn’t go back in time so he only sighed deeply, throwing an impatient, long-suffering look at the second samurai approaching them. What was his name? Kanjuro?

“This is perfect, I was just thinking I may have something for you, Law-dono,” Kanjuro announced, gulping down the cabbage roll in his hand before he pulled out his katana-like brush and started scribbling on the floor.

“Of course you do. Fucking everyone has something for me lately,” Law grumbled, but went largely ignored. Not that he expected any less.

It only took a moment for Kanjuro to finish with a satisfied huff. Raising one hand in front of his face in a mock-ninjutsu move, he called out, “Come forth, Kumamaru!”

Law’s eyebrows shot up to the top of his head while he watched this white… pathetic blob peel itself off the ground and stand on two shaky legs. It was barely the size of Law’s hand and so poorly drawn that Law honestly couldn’t tell what it was even supposed to be.

“Kumamaru?” Kin’emon repeated slowly. “Is this creature a bear?”

“Ku… kuma…” the thing said weakly in response, already out of breath.

“Indeed it is!” Kanjuro said proudly. “Luffy-dono told me you love cute white bears, so I thought Kumamaru would help you feel comfortable!”

Law took a sharp intake of breath, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. “Straw Hat-ya,” he groaned, full of annoyance. Just because the idiot got so fixated on Bepo’s very existence as if he didn’t have a talking tanuki on his own crew…

“Law-dono, are you alright?” Kanjuro asked, sounding so worried that Law had to bite his cheek to not snap at him.

“Just awesome,” he hissed instead.

He couldn’t wait to get the hell off this goddamned ship and back to his crew.

And he hated to admit that the longer he looked at the terribly drawn aberration… the cuter it became.

He really hated his life.

—————

Law didn’t think it possible but somehow, the situation got even worse the first night they spent on Zou, the night when Nekomamushi declared yet another party in celebration of the country’s saviours.

There Law was, minding his own damn business and chatting with Bepo and Jean Bart, when Straw Hat Luffy himself barrelled his way to them, carrying an armful of meat so large he couldn’t possibly see where he was going. Even before he stopped right over Law, the surgeon was already praying for patience.

“Torao! Hi!” Straw Hat greeted, and Law could just hear the wide grin on his face.

Before he could so much as open his mouth to reply, however, the mountain of meat was dropped in his lap. “What the—” 

“For you. You need some meat, that will help you get better,” Straw Hat announced, nodding in agreement with his own statement.

Law groaned. “I don’t need meat and I’m perfectly fine, Straw Hat-ya. Can you people stop this already?”

Straw Hat tilted his head to the side, regarding Law for a moment. “Of course you need meat, everyone needs meat,” he said slowly, as if he was explaining a simple problem to a child.

“That’s not true and also not the point—”

“Also, you’ve been really out of it since we kicked Mingo’s ass.” Straw Hat interrupted him. “If we leave you alone, you’re just gonna sulk by yourself.” He crossed his arms over his chest when he finished, a small pout on his lips as he stared Law down.

And Law…

Law couldn’t fucking belive it.

He really just got scolded by Straw Hat.

Unbelievable.

Before Law managed to gather his wits enough to at least close his mouth—he wasn’t sure at what point it fell open—Straw Hat was gone and the goddamned pile of meat in Law’s lap became several pieces smaller.

Seriously, what did Straw Hat even come to do and why?

“Captain? Are you… okay?” Bepo tried carefully.

“Bepo, can you do me a favour?” Law asked instead of replying.

Bepo frowned a little but nodded regardless. “What is it?”

“Kill me. Just fucking kill me right now.”

“I—I don’t think I can do that,” Bepo said before his head dropped. “Sorry.”

Law sighed. It was worth a shot.

[pixelatedraindrops]

Hello everyone!! Today I grow a year older :3 (and I hate it lmao) FEEL FREE TO REPLY BIRTHDAY WISHES IF YOU WANT :3

So, over the time I've come back here, I've become pretty confident and proud of my once hidden passion about sick characters, sickfics and sick comfort/whump... 🌡️

And you all have been so supportive and sweet despite my weirdness so I thank you for that. You helped me feel more confident in my otherwise weird fixation <3 So, for my birthday I thought I'd try and make up a little drawing challenge for anyone who wants to give it a try... There are soo many talented artists on this site (and in this fandom)

So... It's your turn to target your faves now. You will see how fun it is and hopefully understand why I love doing it so much. 😈🌡️

(plus it's my birthday and I require some sustenance LMAO JKJK)

But yeah anyone can join in. This is just for fun though! You don't have to if you don't want to! I think its okay to ask for some food on my birthday though...right?? X'D So if you wanna do sth for my birthday...then... 👉👈 💦

CHALLENGE BELOW~

DRAW YOUR FAVE ON A SICK DAY CHALLENGE🌡️😷🥵🤧

~~~~

(Mmmmkay, I am lying to myself when I say this isn't mostly aimed at the RainCode community... X'D Can't help myself. But anyone can join regardless of the fandom!!)

So here's the challenge and the rules!! (featuring my two main lil targets ofc :3)

Regardless of who it is, put your fave through some sickness hell >:3c I'd love to see it! Make em' as miserable as you want!

destroy them 😈 jkjk XD

If you're in the RainCode community you can target anyone, but as you know, my main targets are Yuma and Makoto. If they're also your faves and who you decide to use, that will make me extra happy!

Some tips for anyone new to drawing a sick day scenario art. A few things that make it look convincing are the following:

Pajamas or Loungewear

Messy Bed Hair

Fever flushed face w sweat or at least a red nose

Tired Eye bags

Shivery body

Ice Pack or a Compress on the head

Thermometer sticking from their mouth

LOTS OF BLANKETS

Tissues or medicine surrounding them

Tea or Soup (or both)

Those are just to name some from the top of my head. If you'd like some pointers on how to make a character look ill, check out my Fever Coloring Guide. This is for digital artists but traditional artists can try it too!

You can add injury or angst to the scene but I'd like illness to be the main focus of it.

The scene can be anything you want to, it can be fluffy and wholesome (with a caretaker) it can be angsty, or it can be silly. Its all up to you! Do it for the sake of fluff! Caretaking scenes are the best for any kind of relationship >w<

Either way, have fun with it!! I look forward to see what people make if they decide to give it a try! It doesn't even have to be a full on picture! Doodles and sketches are fine too! Just show me something >w<

(feel free to tag me and say happy b-day and mention my challenge, I am proud to be known for this and would love for many to participate :3) I wanna see you take a go at it :3 Show me your style! :D

~

~~~

(wow look at me misspelling the word writing on text when I did it fine with my own hands lol)

Now, I know not everyone can draw...

Well never fear! I accept writing as well! ✍️✍️✍️

(hi vivia lol sorry for giving you a cold, at least you have an excuse to read and do nothing now haha x3)

Sickfics are one of the biggest things I live for! Any little drabbles or full fics with more than one chapter are welcome! Again target who you want any fandom you want, but I'll def be super happy if you make a RainCode fic. And even happier if you target my faves as well, but again, anything will do! Just make a cute story about your fave being miserable and being tended to! Trust me, it's super fun!

You can add injury or angst to the scene but I'd like illness to be the main focus of it.

Feel free to post your writing here and tag me or mention my AO3!

If you need a start to your fic, look on my blog for illness prompts! Maybe it can help give you a good start or give some inspiration! (thats why I share 'em :3)

I look forward to anything you try to write!

~

That's about all!! I hope you decide to participate! ✨

Good luck, have fun, and godspeed you future whumpers! 😈

(nah jk XD)

AGAIN THIS IS FOR FUN! NO PRESSURE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO!

[safarigirlsp]

Happy Fuckin’ Birthday

Happy Fuckin' Birthday

Flip Zimmerman x Lawyer Reader

Word Count: 8.2k

Warnings: NSFW. Smut. Angst, maybe? Comedy. Abuse of process. Hazing Flip for his birthday, as one should. Birthday pranks. Bitchy Reader. If you want a sweet, submissive, shy reader, my fics are never for you xD

AO3 Link

A little birthday celebration for Scorpio season! I had this written timely on November 19, but just forgot to post it. Whoops!

Turning forty wasn’t something Flip Zimmerman was overly excited about. It had nothing to do with the usual dramatics and neuroses that plagued most people. He didn’t have any deep regrets in life; he hadn’t taken any stupid turns or failed to seize any major opportunities; he didn’t have a ‘one that got away’ – the things in life that can add up to a mid-life crisis or make a man dread the passage of years. He had the woman he wanted, the job he wanted, and for the most part, the life he wanted. Flip didn’t give a damn about the number of candles on his cake. What annoyed the hell out of him was the production everyone else in his life had to make over it. That might rank as one of his bigger regrets in life, telling people close to him when his damn birthday was. His birthday would be a perfectly fine day, if no one else knew about it.

To Flip, his birthday was just another day on the calendar. But could everyone else in his life ever treat it that simply? Fuck no.

Flip never took the day off for his birthday. He immediately lost respect for any man who did that. Women got a pass with such frivolous and indulgent things, but men had no business pampering themselves like candy asses. This year was poised to be a little extra good for Flip since his birthday fell over a weekend. He could guiltlessly spend it exactly how he wanted, which was also how he’d spend every other day of his life if he was free from all financial, vocational, and social obligations. Flip wanted to spend his birthday weekend hidden away in his cabin, sleeping, eating, and fucking just as much as he wanted, and not doing a damned thing else or talking to a damned person other than his girl.

So far, Flip’s birthday weekend had been precisely what he wanted. Starting Friday night, he had gotten his birthday wish in quantities sufficient to appease all his ravenous hungers. Saturday had been the same, and it had been glorious. He had put on a damn fine show for his girl, if he did say so himself. He figured it was the best way to demonstrate he was a vigorous man in his prime, not a doddering old bastard. Flip had allowed his lady to finagle him into sharing a steaming hot bath with her after dinner to break up the pattern. He didn’t want to admit how good it felt on his aching muscles. Even though it was only due to all the extra use over the past two days, or rather, due to the gross lack of use during the other days of the year, Flip knew his sore muscles would be used against him on his fortieth birthday. All the running and weightlifting in the world wasn’t really the same as the workout a man gets from a marathon between the sheets. He knew he was in for a generous ration of shit for his birthday, not least of all from his girl. He’d wonder what was wrong if she wasn’t giving him hell. Still, it was best not to load the guns for her.

Flip defined ‘sleeping in’ differently than most. He had been conditioned by his days in the military to be up before sunrise and ready to meet every battle with the dawn. He felt extremely lazy and indulgent when he let the sunrise wake him as it first peaked over the mountains and into his bedroom window. This attitude was in stark contrast to his wife, who considered mornings in general to be a vile institution and often bitched about how morning people were given entirely too much power in society.

Dawn on Flip’s birthday was one of those crystalline winter mornings where the light was tinted a soft pink-blue-white and frost coated everything in sight like icing on a diamante cake. It had snowed several inches during the night and outside the window, the mountains were gleaming spires, the ground was covered with fresh powder, and the pines wore a layer of snow like fancy ladies swaddled in white mink. Snowy mornings like this were Flip’s favorite kind of morning, when everything was still pristine and sparkling with promise. Before any bullshit settled in.

Groaning contentedly, Flip stretched as the sunlight danced across his face. He was still a little sore in all the places he wanted to be, and he was rock hard and ready for a proper good morning.

So far, forty felt great.

Half asleep, he turned and nuzzled his nose into the soft warm body lying curled next to him. A soft, warm, furry body. Grumbling and pulling his face away, Flip opened his bleary eyes and glared through his disheveled hair at the fat, black cat he had inherited when he had begun living with his girl. Some men have worse step kids to deal with, he reasoned now as the adorable black asshole looked back at him through slitted green eyes, as if she was just as entitled to sleep in his bed as he was. Narrowing his own eyes back at the cat, he asked her, “Where’s your mom at?”

His question was answered by the clanging of a pot on the stove downstairs and a couple choice curses in a familiar feminine voice. Now fully awake, Flip became aware of the scent of bacon, eggs, and pancakes – his favorites – and strong black coffee just how he liked it. This was a rare treat. Flip usually assumed the duty of cooking breakfast on the days they could enjoy it together. Hearing his girl down in the kitchen, slaving away over the stove at such an unconscionable hour, as she deemed it, made him grin at the effort she put in for him.

“Your mom’s a keeper,” he confided to the cat and patted her round belly. “But you’re a sorry little porker.”

Flip stretched again and ran a hand through his unruly hair. He thought he should brush it before going downstairs, but he knew how she liked it when he looked a little wilder than usual. She liked him best when he smelled fresh from a shower but looked unbrushed, unshaven, and what he thought was mildly unkempt. Women are nonsensical creatures, he had realized early in his dating career. He damn sure needed to brush his teeth and wash his face though. He pulled on the pair of jeans he wore the day before and the flannel shirt he had thrown across the room the night before, only bothering to button two of the center buttons. The phone he’d left in his jeans pocket buzzed insistently against his ass.

Should have turned the fuckin’ thing off, he lamented as he retrieved it and saw the tirade of missed calls. He knew what all those calls meant. But as long as he ignored them, he had plausible deniability, as the bloodsucking lawyers say. As his girl would say. He lost his phone; his battery died; service is bad out at his place; his wife threw it at his head and it broke against the wall.

Against his better judgment, and because it was Stallworth calling and Flip didn’t feel right about ignoring his best friend, he answered.

“What,” Flip grunted, leaving no doubt as to his feelings over this intrusion. He thought to himself, This is the beginning of a bad fuckin’ day.

“Good morning to you too,” Ron said in his easy, affable tone. “It’s a beautiful day out, isn’t it?”

“I have a feelin’ I’m not gonna think so after you tell me why in the hell you’re calling.” Flip walked sullenly to the bathroom while Stallworth ran through some pleasantries. Thankfully, he didn’t lead with Happy Birthday. Flip would have hung up on him. Flip lifted the toilet seat and unzipped his jeans.

“We just got a big break in that jewel heist case. Actually, I did. On a stakeout last night,” Ron said proudly, then paused. “Are you taking a piss while I’m talking to you?”

“We’d both be happier if you weren’t talkin’ to me, but you called,” Flip muttered and flushed the toilet. He held the phone toward the bowl so Stallworth could hear the rush of water, mimicking Flip’s interest in the matter.

“You’re a barbarian, you know that?” Stallworth laughed despite himself.

“Flattery don’t do it for me,” Flip said as he ran the sink, letting the water warm. He noticed four angry red scratches on the side of his neck from his girl’s fingernails and felt a rush of pride. “Go out and catch your jewel thief and take all the glory. Girls love that shit.” He splashed his face with hot water and lathered it with his soapy hands. “I’ll read all about your heroics in the paper.”

“It’s not that simple,” Ron said regretfully. “We need you on this one. You know I wouldn’t be calling if we didn’t.”

“I’m off. It’s a Sunday. And it’s,” he just stopped himself from saying my fuckin’ birthday. “Too fuckin’ early.”

“You think I like being the guy who has to roust the bear out of his cave?” Ron tried to joke to his entirely unreceptive audience. “We need you. Get dressed and get your ass out here.”

“God damnit.” Flip hung up and shoved his phone back in his pocket. Oh yeah, it’s gonna be a great day, he thought. Aloud, he grumbled to his reflection in the mirror, “Happy fuckin’ birthday, you old bastard.”

*******************************************************************************************

A scalding droplet of bacon grease jumped from the sizzling cast iron pan to land on your exposed thigh, making you cuss under your breath as you quickly wiped it away. You were always extra prickly in the morning. Flip deserves a nice birthday breakfast, you reminded yourself and inhaled deeply, deep enough to force a good mood down your throat along with the chilly morning air. Also in honor of his birthday, you opted for a casually sexy look as opposed to something more comfortable like pajama pants and a tank. You wore only one of his favorite shirts, worn until it was soft as velvet, and slippers. Early on you had realized he liked that look on you and something about seeing you in his clothes appealed to his innate possessiveness.

It was chilly inside the cabin, save for the heat from the stove. On cold winter mornings like this the little cabin furnace had to work overtime just to keep the pipes from freezing. To really get the temperature up in the cabin, a fire needed to be lit in the living room fireplace, but you were not that ambitious before sunrise and would leave it to Flip.

As you thought of him, you heard the wooden stairs creak and knew he was descending them. His footfalls were always light, he moved agility for such a large man. You pretended not to hear him and moved to the side of the stove, leaning forward in a provocative invitation under the guise of fiddling with the coffee maker. Predictably, Flip took the bait and wrapped his arms around you from behind, pressing his chest against your back and molding his body against yours. But his arms enfolded you chastely around your waist and his hands didn’t roam higher or lower to seek out their favorite places.

“Happy birthday, old man,” you purred, rubbing your ass back against him. You felt he was wearing jeans and turned inside his arms to face him. He was fully dressed, right down to his boots. “You’re violating your own self-imposed dress code, or rather lack thereof, for this weekend.”

“I have good news for you, sugar,” Flip told you with a grin and kissed you deeply. “You get to sleep in today after all.”

“You mean after we succumb to a food and orgasm coma in a couple hours?” You grinned back. “I’d call that a nap, but suit yourself.”

“I got a call,” Flip started.

“We agreed no phones this weekend!” you cut across him, instantly bristling. “That was your rule. I have a big trial Monday and I’ve been ignoring my phone for a day and a half already. You better be joking.”

“You of all people know rules are made to be broken,” Flip tried again, still maintaining his grin that now looked moronic to you.

“I’m sore everywhere from you wanting to act like a horny teenager all day yesterday.” You raised a dangerous eyebrow. “I got up when it was still dark to freeze in your kitchen and get burned by grease to cook for you on your birthday, and you’re taking calls?” Your voice had dropped an octave and sounded deceptively calm. Flip knew these were very bad signs.

“I didn’t even take my phone out of my pocket yesterday. Ron caught me off guard this mornin,’” Flip used a reasoning tone, like he would when talking to a jumper. It didn’t help your darkening mood. “But listen, there’s been a big break in that jewel heist Ron and I’ve been workin.’ He got a tip, a hot tip, on where we can catch the bastard. But it’s tonight.”

“And Ron needs you to hold his hand for this escapade?” you asked testily.

“Well, he’s still a little green on things like this.” Flip rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the floor. He always did that when he was in trouble, like a grounded boy trying to look contrite. “I can eat breakfast real quick with you before I go.”

“Real quick?” you laughed sarcastically. “Just what every girl wants to hear?”

“How about I eat somethin’ else before I head out.” He winked at you, trying his best to lighten your mood.

“Yes, I’ve always loved the wham, bam, thank you, ma’am approach.” You glared at him. “How long will you be gone?”

“Well, I have to go in now to go over everything and get briefed before I go out to nab the bastard.” Knowing he was digging his hole deeper, he muttered the next confession. “And it’s at some fancy party down at the Broadmoor tonight. They figure I’d be better to walk in there and get the job done. That reminds me, I’ll need you to pick out a nice suit for me.”

“Let me make sure I understand you correctly.” You stepped away from him, beyond arm’s reach. “You’re leaving me alone today – on your day off, on a weekend, on your birthday – to go out to a swanky party at the Broadmoor while I wait here until you decide to show up again?” You raised your eyebrows. “And then, let me guess – when you get home, late, I’m sure, you want me to feed you dinner and fuck you all night again. Or will you have eaten dinner at your soiree?”

“Sugar, you know I can’t control the timing of these things,” Flip said regretfully. “Breakfast looks great. You look delicious. I don’t want to leave, you know that.” He shook his head and asked exasperatedly, “What do you want me to do?”

“It’s your birthday.” You crossed your arms over your chest and narrowed your eyes. “So, it’s your choice.”

Flip had been in enough life and death situations to know he was approaching one now. But he didn’t have much choice. “I have to go in. But I’ll be as quick as I can and I’ll see you tonight. I’ll make it up to you tonight, sugar.”

“This is such bullshit, Flip.” You were fully angry now. Flip knew he was going to be in trouble for a while. “I blew off my responsibilities to let you fuck me as much as you wanted this weekend, and what do I get? You blowing me off to run out and try to catch some petty thief? What happens if you don’t catch this guy today? You have no personal consequences. If I screw up at my job, I lose business and lose actual income, and still, I’ve been blowing off my duties for you this weekend. But you have to strut out to make an arrest now, just so you can dick wave.”

“C’mon, darlin,’” Flip pleaded, holding his arms out, as if you’d run into them. “It’s not like that.”

“No, it’s exactly like that.” You shook your head and shoved past him toward the stairs. “If you’re going to work today, so am I. I have a hearing to prep for, and at least I can bill three-fifty an hour. I’ll be late too.” You paused at the bottom of the stairs to twist the knife a little more. “Since you let these criminals interfere in our lives, maybe I’ll take your thief’s case pro bono after you arrest him and get him off in court instead of getting you off in bed.”

“Calm the fuck down!” Flip lost his temper and instantly regretted it. He calmed his own voice and added, “It’s not that big of a deal. Quit pullin’ your lawyer shit on me.”

“Are you having a senior moment? You must be getting old, after all,” you snapped and stormed up the stairs. “Don’t worry. Maybe we’ll celebrate your birthday next year.”

“You don’t think you’re overreacting just a little?” Flip asked foolishly.

“Not just yet, I’m not.” Halfway up the staircase you turned, pulled off a slipper, and threw it across the room at him. Flip ducked just in time to avoid a perfectly aimed headshot.

“You missed!” Flip bellowed triumphantly then added a cocky laugh.

You didn’t miss your second shot. You whipped your other slipper with more sting, sending it flying right into his chest with a satisfying whap. Then you turned on your heel and trotted up the stairs.

“Love you, sugar!” Flip shouted sarcastically after you. His face was hot and the thick vein in his neck pulsed angrily.

“Happy fucking birthday!” You slammed the bedroom door.

*******************************************************************************************

The drive into the station seemed longer than usual, possibly because Flip spent the better part of it grinding his teeth and strangling the steering wheel in a white-knuckled death grip. He was not at all amused when Stallworth met him at the station door holding a cane.

“Take it easy, old guy,” Stallworth said, offering him the cane. “Need a hand getting to your desk?”

“You’ll need a hand pullin’ that cane out of your ass if you don’t get it out of my face.” Flip shoved past his friend and made his way to his desk, waving off several other old jokes and happy birthdays. His menacing glare would be enough to make strangers piss their pants. Sadly, his co-workers at the station knew this was mostly posturing and it did little to deter them.

Chief Bridges was waiting for Flip at his desk, leaning against it intrusively. He wore a shit-eating grin and said with every indicia of seriousness, “Forty, huh? You know what that means, Zimmerman. It’s time to re-take your firearms training. Maybe driving too. Make sure you’re not slipping as an old man. A man’s aim is the first thing to go.”

“Fuck you,” Flip growled irritably. “I’m in better shape now than I was in my twenties.”

“It’s worse than I feared.” Bridges grinned. “Sometimes, the mind goes first.”

“Forty’s not all that old,” Stallworth came to Flip’s defense. “For a tree or a tortoise.”

“Don’t let me catch you trying to get little blue pills off any trafficking suspects.” Bridges waved a finger at Flip. “I’ve had to write up more old farts for that in this department than you want to know.”

“Not one of my complaints.” Flip smirked. “You sound like you have some personal experience in that department, Chief.”

“I’m glad you’re a cocky sonofabitch, Zimmerman. And a ladies man. It makes this part of the job a helluva lot more fun for me,” Bridges said and Flip’s smirk melted away. “A ladies man is just what the doctor ordered for this sting. Turns out our jewel thief is a broad! Can you believe it? Word says she’s going to the event at the Broadmoor tonight and she’ll be wearing a black dress. All you have to do is sidle up to her, blow whatever smoke up her ass you need to, and get her to waltz right out of the party with you and up to the room we have setup. Stallworth will be there to help make the arrest in case you need backup. You think you’ll need a hand putting handcuffs on a woman once you get her into your bedroom?”

“I can’t fuckin’ do that and you know it!” Flip exclaimed angrily, on the verge of shouting. “I’m already in deep shit with the little woman over comin’ in at all today, and you think I’m gonna go out to a party and then bring some floozy back to a hotel room? I’ll do stupid things in the line of duty, but that’s a death sentence. No fuckin’ way.”

“Scared of a dame, are you, Zimmerman?” Bridges poked.

“I’m scared of the one I have at home,” Flip huffed indignantly. “I’d be a fool not to be. She’d string you up right alongside me, Chief. Find someone else. Ron’s single.”

“Our thief’s a tall gal. A woman won’t be interested in a man who’s shorter than she is, now will she? You’re the only man in the department who’ll be taller than her in heels.” Bridges looked at Stallworth and shrugged. “There’s a height requirement on this ride, and Ron’s several inches too short.”

“Just put a tail on her and grab her when she goes to the ladies room,” Flip suggested. “Easy.”

“If you haven’t noticed, the CSPD has been written up in the paper about once a month this whole year. All you overeager assholes making scenes and causing property damage during arrests,” Bridges chided both men, who had each been featured prominently in various articles. “The last thing I need is some big public scene at the Broadmoor to kick off the holiday season. Do you think this is a fucking negotiation, Zimmerman?”

“There wouldn’t be any negotiation if I told you to shove it up your ass along with my badge and gun,” Flip grunted, thinking that his job was interfering too much in his enjoyment of life.

“What else are you qualified to do? Public relations? Customer service?” Bridges laughed. “Being shacked up with a high-power lawyer the way you are, you should thank me every day for this job. You think a dame like that is gonna want some unemployed grumpy sonofabitch keeping her couch from running away. I got news for you, Zimmerman, cabana boys are about fifteen or twenty years younger than you.”

“Nope, I’ll go over to the dark side.” Flip smirked again. “The Feds have been houndin’ me pretty hard lately.”

“You’re getting to be a crotchety bastard in your old age,” Bridges said dismissively. He patted Flip on the back as he started toward his office. “Quit your bitching moaning and go get the job done. The faster you get it done, the faster you can be back home with your wife.”

“Sometimes I envy those whiny bastards who call in for their birthdays,” Flip groaned to Stallworth when they were alone.

“Too late for that now,” Stallworth said brightly. “Man up.”

“Manning up has never been a problem for me.” Flip glared at him and sat down heavily in his chair.

“What happened there?” Stallworth eyed the scratches you had left on Flip’s neck, pulling his shirt collar back to get a better look. “Are you being abused? Do you need a safe house interview? Was there some animal control problem with a bobcat I missed over the weekend?”

“I guess I’ve still got it,” Flip said proudly.

“Wow, and you left her on your birthday to come down here for me?” Stallworth batted his eyes and teased, “I can’t tell you how much that means to me. I feel like that’s a big step in our relationship.”

“She already calls you my work wife.” Flip shook his head. “Watch your ass, rookie, or there’s gonna be some domestic violence in our relationship.” Flip slumped in his chair, highly unamused and gestured for Ron to get on with it.

“Want me to talk slow when I go over this, old timer?” Stallworth teased, holding the casefile.

“Not in the fuckin’ mood.” Flip glared at his friend, not teasing at all. He snatched the file from Stallworth and slapped it down open on his desk. He was going to get this shit over with as fast as humanly possible. He retrieved a pair of glasses with large lenses and tortoise rims from his shirt pocket, a new addition to his wardrobe. He only recently capitulated to wearing them on occasion. But only for reading. He narrowed his eyes at Stallworth in anticipation. “Not a fuckin’ word.”

Before Flip could take in much on the first page, a commotion from the front of the station drew his attention. An argument and raised voices along with the shuffling of papers, all boded nothing good in a police station. Flip shoved up from his desk and hurried to see the cause of the uproar. Several officers argued with a fat little man who was so short Flip could only see the shiny top of his greasy bald scalp hovering chest level to the average sized officers around him. Dan Goldleaf was a private investigator who served papers in his spare time, one of the lowest forms of ilk to a cop, just above pedophiles and traffickers. Worst of all, the human shitstain worked for most of the defense lawyers in town.

When Flip approached the unruly spectacle, the trollish man excitedly waved the papers in his hand. He was gelatinously fat, and his whole body jiggled with the movement. He flashed a golden smile as he waddled to Flip. He pushed the papers into Flip’s chest and announced, “Here ya go, Zimmerman!” Quick as a ferret, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and snapped a picture of Flip holding the papers in a clenched fist, a deadly glare on his face. Goldleaf straightened to his full height of around five feet and popped the lapels of his brown jacket, crackling a fresh mustard stain. The gaudy gold rings on every fat sausage finger glittered in the fluorescent lights. “Pleasure doing business with you.”

Flip wanted to squish the greasy troll like a slug, but there were too many witnesses for that now. He looked at the crumpled papers he held in his fist and backed to the wall until his back was pressed against it. It kept him from pacing like a caged animal. He had been served with a formal looking document consisting of several pages. The papers had been sent by the law firm of Dewey, Cheatum & Howe. It began with:

CANDICE GOODING,

                        Petitioner,

 Vs.                                                                             

PHILIP ZIMMERMAN,

                        Respondent.

VERIFIED PETITION TO ESTABLISH PATERNITY

            COMES NOW the Petitioner, Candice Gooding, by and through undersigned counsel, Rob Cheatum, and in support of her Verified Petition STATES THE FOLLOWING:

“Christ, it’s a fuckin’ paternity suit from some bitch named Candice Gooding. Says she has a five-year-old kid and it’s mine! She’s comin’ after me for goddamn child support,” Flip gritted through clenched teeth. Every muscle in his body contracted and he shook with rage. He wanted to break something, or at least punch through a wall. He managed to grate out, “I don’t even know this bitch!”

“Candice Gooding,” Stallworth said slowly, enunciating every syllable, as if speaking to an idiot. “That doesn’t ring any bells?”

“It sure as hell doesn’t!” Flip was fuming, his chest flushed hot.

“What else could she call herself?” Stallworth mused, pretending to consider the issue. “Candy maybe?” Slowly, the red flush drained from Flip’s face until he was unusually pale. “Candy Goodie, maybe? Ring any bells now? Wasn’t she an ex-girlfriend some five, six years ago?”

“Motherfucker,” Flip groaned. He suddenly felt very old, as if he had aged a decade on his birthday. He leaned against the wall and knocked his head back against it roughly, as if he could bang some sense into his younger self. “She wasn’t my goddamn girlfriend, and you know it. She was just a slutty little cocktail waitress whose big dream in life was to be a stripper in Vegas where she could make the ‘big bucks.’ She was hot and easy and I fucked her a few times when I was hard up. Big deal. Any port in a storm, you know? Every girl I banged when I was footloose and fancy free wasn’t a girlfriend.”

“Guess you should have used some rubber to weather that particular storm,” Stallworth quipped, studying the papers more closely. “That candy must have been good if you went back for seconds.”

“Fuck you, buddy,” Flip said, really and truly wanting to punch something now.

“Better call your wife,” Stallworth suggested.

A look of pure terror flashed across Flip’s face for an instant before he could mask it. “Don’t you dare call her. Or tell her anything about this at all! Christ, you want to get me killed?”

“She’s a lawyer. Who do you think will be handling this for you?” Stallworth tried unsuccessfully to be helpful.

“Just haul me out back and shoot me now. Get it over with quick.” Flip dropped his head into his hands, shaking his head. “She can’t know a thing about this until I figure it out.”

*******************************************************************************************

“Hey, Sugar,” Flip crooned into the phone when you answered. “I was thinkin’ that since I have to get dressed up and put on the ritz tonight that you could get all dolled up too like you like and meet me after. I’ll take you out on the town and show you a real nice time.”

“I’m not in the mood,” you said, your tone told him you were far from appeased. “I thought you decided we were working today. And tonight.”

Flip had called while he was changing into his suit, a black one with a button up shirt in a dark shade of charcoal. He realized you had picked out one of your favorites for him that morning and it made him feel even guiltier. A nice suit usually had the effect of making him feel dashing, now it felt like he was dressing for his own funeral. Maybe I am, he thought to himself with a rueful smirk. Aloud, he said, “I know you’re mad as hell, but I promise I’ll make it up to you. I love you, sugar.”

“I’m on the clock, Flip,” you said sternly. “Something you know a lot about, right? We’ll catch up later. Whenever that might be.”

*******************************************************************************************

On the drive to the Broadmoor Stallworth informed Flip, “I called a clerk I know at the court who can verify the paternity suit on a Sunday. It’s real.”

“It’s like all my birthday wishes are comin’ true.” Flip glared out of the window, particularly eyeing the couples walking down the street, having a much better evening than he was.

Stallworth had informed Flip of all the details of their sting, how the event was in a private room of the Broadmoor, how they had booked a suite under the name of Frank Zeiss, a cover name Flip often used. All Flip had to do was find the mark, lure her up to the suite, and help Ron make the arrest. Flip didn’t even want credit. He wanted to forget everything about this day and pretend his fortieth birthday was limited to the nearly perfect Friday and Saturday he spent with his girl. Before he had to leave on call. Why in the fuck did he have to answer his damned phone this morning?

Flip stopped in at the hotel bar before seeking out the private event room. He needed a drink for this shit. He ordered an Old Fashioned and swirled the tawny liquid around in his glass. He thought of the way you always laughed at him like he was an idiot instead of suave when he tied the cherry stem in a knot with his tongue for your amusement.

As he thought of you, to his horror, you walked into the bar and aimed right for him. Wearing a sultry blue dress that hugged your curves in all the best places, he thought his girl had never looked like more of a knockout. But…

“What the hell are you doin’ here?!” Flip grabbed your arm when you got close to the bar and yanked you to him.

“It’s nice to see you too,” you said with only a hint of warning in your tone.

“I’m glad you’ve retracted your claws a bit from earlier,” Flip said in a quick, agitated voice. “But it’s not nice to see you. Not now, not here.”

“If you’re here looking for someone, shouldn’t you have your glasses on, old man?” you teased.

“Watch it, sugar.” Flip stepped closer to you until your bodies were nearly touching. “This old man was still goin’ strong when you threw in the towel last night.”

“Nice suit.” You ignored him and ran your eyes over his body. “You clean up alright.”

“This isn’t a game.” Flip fought to keep his voice low. “You could get us both hurt.”

“So serious,” you chided dismissively and placed a hand on his chest. It was endearing how nervous he was at the concern for your safety. A bead of sweat ran down from his temple. “Relax, handsome. All you have to do is stand there and look pretty, right?”

“Funny,” Flip said edgily. “Now get the hell outta here and I’ll call you when I’m done. I don’t want to be distracted by you and I don’t want you mixed up in all this.”

“Actually, I wanted to find you sooner rather than later because I got a call from a colleague. It made me think you might be in some kind of trouble.” You watched him closely as you spoke. “Or should I say, opposing counsel. A lawyer named Rob Cheatum.”

Oh, fuck. Flip’s mouth went dry and he fought to keep his expression stern and to give nothing away. “Must be important for him to call you on a Sunday.”

“Actually, he called me Friday after work. But unlike you, I followed the rules you wanted for your birthday and didn’t look at my phone until I was driving in today. That’s when I saw it. He said he’s representing some woman in a case against you.” You looked straight into his eyes. “What the fuck is he talking about, Flip?”

“Sounds like some bloodsucker out to sue the department again,” he deflected unpersuasively. “Isn’t that how you people get in the holiday spirit, by drumming up business?”

“Oh my god, don’t tell me you lost your temper and punched a suspect again,” you sighed exasperatedly. “It gets old seeing your name in the paper.”

“We all know the only animals worse than lawyers are reporters.” Flip looked around, scanning for his suspect. “All the more reason for you to get outta here until I get this thing wrapped up. You don’t want to be included in a cover story with me when I cause a scene at this party, do you?”

“I can see it now.” You spread your hands like a banner. “Grouchy old man snaps at the younger crowd out having fun.”

“I sure don’t love you for your mouth, sugar.” Flip shook his head. He saw a tall woman in a black dress walking purposefully and fixed his eyes on her like a hunting dog. But there were several women in view wearing black dresses. And what was tall, anyway? The woman was probably five-eight, although heels always threw him off. Was that tall enough to be described as very tall? Probably not. Flip had been staring at her while running these mental calculations.

“Like what you see?” you asked, more to poke him than anything. You knew he was here under the guise of working.

“Not particularly. I’d give her a seven at best,” Flip gritted out of the corner of his mouth. “I’ve got a helluva lot better at home.”

“Speaking of, how long until the woman you’ve got at home is going to get some time with you?” you asked.

“Not long.” He shrugged.

“Not an answer, Detective,” you quipped.

Flip knew you only called him Detective when you were feeling flirty or feeling as mad as a wet cat. He knew which this was. Best to remain silent, he concluded.

“You’re here to grab some suspect, a woman, I gather from your roaming eyes,” you accused and Flip’s eyes darted immediately back to you, a little wider than usual. “You’re getting served papers from strange women, too. Is this some half-assed midlife crisis? Is it time for you to embarrass yourself trying to pick up eighteen-year-olds in a new convertible?”

“Whoa, pump the brakes on the crazy train.” Flip held up his hands in surrender. “I’m innocent until proven guilty.”

“Oh, you think this is a democracy?” you scoffed. “I don’t think so. This is a monarchy, and all ways here are the Queen’s ways.”

“I’ll tell you all about it later. I promise.” Flip tried a calming tone that had zero effect. “Just let me find this woman and then we can get outta here.”

“Fine.” You put your hands on your hips.

“Don’t fine me, darlin.’” Flip mocked your posture, also putting his hands on his hips. “I know what fine means.”

“This is ridiculous. I’ll find this damn woman in black myself.” You turned on your heel and walked away.

Flip took a bounding step after you and grabbed your arm roughly, stopping you. “You’re making a fuckin’ scene.”

“Is this guy bothering you, miss?” The bartender asked, a clear warning in his voice.

You looked at Flip’s hand where he gripped your arm and cocked an eyebrow. Flip slackened his grip and you yanked your arm free. You strode purposely through the bar and toward the series of the Broadmoor event rooms. You looked over your shoulder once just to make sure Flip was following you. He was, of course, walking stiffly a few paces behind with his shoulders set and eyes narrowed, looking ready and eager to bust some heads. The hotel was crowded with holiday traffic and you both knew he couldn’t grab you again without making an even bigger scene.

At the door to the private room, Flip caught you again, grabbing the door handle in front of you and pinning you close with his body from behind. To an observer, it might look affectionate but his body was rigid against you and his tone angry, “This isn’t the time or place for you to act like a goddamn prima donna. Knock it off.”

“Just think, all this because you had to answer Ron’s call this morning.” You grinned and before he had time to process the implications of your words, you pushed his hand down on the door handle and leaned into it.

Flip stumbled into the event room right at your back, a little off balance and fuming.

“Surprise!” A chorus of voices shouted inside the room.

Flip was nearly stunned by the cacophony of light and movement and shouting assholes inside the room. He stood, still gawkily positioned mid-stumble, blinking like a deer in the headlights. There were sparkly lights and girly decorations done in black and gold, and a table set with a giant cake and a few buckets of champagne. Music blared noisily from somewhere. All his traitorous friends smiled at him, Stallworth leading the charge of ingrates. Festive lights even shimmered on the greasy dome of Goldleaf���s head. The group of traitors yelled “Surprise!” again and then broke into a terrible round of Happy Birthday. Flip straightened and smoothed a hand over his suit, trying to look dignified while feeling like an absolute jackass for falling for this shit.

There was little Flip hated more in life than surprise parties. He forced a smile and thought that maybe it wasn’t as bad as those times he’d been shot. But no. The first time, he’d gotten some really good drugs. The second time, he got six weeks off and left the hell alone. The third time had given him one of your favorite scars that made him feel even tougher than he was. No, a surprise party was far worse than getting shot.

Flip squared his shoulders and put on his game face, steeling himself to endure a long night of socializing. He pulled you to his side just a little roughly and joined his own birthday party.

*******************************************************************************************

“That party must have cost a fortune,” Flip bemoaned. “I hope you didn’t foot the bill just to torture me.”

“Not a dime, actually. The owner of the Broadmoor is a client. Or rather, his son on his eighth DWI is,” you said nonchalantly. “He’s innocent, of course. Or rather, he will be once I’m done with him.”

Flip made a noncommittal grunt, still in the throes of post-party-trauma.

“He also threw in a free suite.” You looped your arm through Flip’s and steered him toward the elevators. “I’m sure you’ll like it more.”

The suite was equipped with a private balcony and hottub for guests who liked to enjoy the snowy alpine winters along with a steaming soak and a glass of wine. Flip held the door open for you like a perfect gentleman before slamming it closed behind him after following you inside. He held you at arm’s length when you tried to close the distance between you.

“I need a shower. I’ve been sweatin’ bullets all day thanks to you.” His lips were poutier than usual as he unbuttoned his shirt. Shrugging roughly out of it, he balled it up in his hands and threw it into the furthest corner of the room. Flip paused to glare at the shirt where it landed on the floor and huff a few breaths before storming into the bathroom as he unbuckled his belt. The slam of the bathroom door reverberated through the room when he kicked it closed. He continued to grumble and cuss under his breath inside the bathroom. The few words you could make out seemed to be in vehement criticism of birthdays and surprise parties and pondering the eternal question of just how much bullshit one man can take.

Smiling to yourself at his grouchiness, you decided to wait for him in the hottub on the balcony. Steaming jets and your warm touch would be just the ticket to turn his anger into something a lot more enjoyable for you both. 

As you peeled your own clothes away, you could still hear him bitching from inside the bathroom and it made you grin. The icy air hit you when you stepped naked out onto the balcony. Goosebumps rose across your skin, breath fogged from your lips, and your nipples peaked instantly at the chill as you quickly covered the few steps to the hottub. The crisp winter air made the hot water even more welcoming, and a cloud of steam surrounded you when you lowered yourself into the bubbling water. Leaning your head back against the edge of the hottub, you felt all the tension leaving your body as you waited for Flip. 

“I’m out here,” you called when you heard him emerge. “Come keep me company.”

Flip’s face and chest were still flushed from the heat of his shower when he walked onto the balcony, scowling. Pausing to linger in the doorway, towel slung around his hips, he leaned against the doorframe. He had to fight to keep his face stern as he looked down at your bare curves sitting tantalizingly amid the steam. 

“You’re not bad lookin’ for a double agent,” he told you, sucking at his teeth.

“Evil machinations are much easier when you’re pretty,” you teased and beckoned him to join you with a curled finger. “Don’t just stand there gawking about it, handsome.”

His scowl turned into something far more devilish as he tossed his towel back into the room and lowered himself into the hottub beside you. Slinging one arm behind you along the rim of the hottub, Flip wasted no time in pulling you close. Beside you, he turned to kiss your cheek, to nuzzle his nose softly against your skin along your jaw before he moved his lips to the place below your ear. Inhaling your scent, he began to lose himself in you. His kisses drifted to your neck and turned more biting and heated when you raised your hand to stroke his cheek. 

“I’m sure sorry for takin’ that call,” he mumbled against your skin. 

“Are you?” you asked with a laugh. “We’ll see if you learn anything from it.”

“I’m a quick learner.” Flip couldn’t help but laugh as his hand trailed up your thigh. 

Turning into him, you met his lips while he teased you with his fingers. Flip kissed you hungrily, his lingering anger coming out in his eager tongue licking into your mouth, his teeth clicking against yours, and his thick fingers pushing into you. 

“We’re not done celebrating yet,” you whispered into his kiss. “Your real birthday present is that I took next week off and arranged with the chief to note you as staking out a cabin for the week.”

He laughed when you told him the location, “That’s our address.”

“Is it really?” you feigned ignorance. “I’d call it a paid vacation on the taxpayers. As someone who gets shafted by Uncle Sam almost as often as I get it from you, I see no problem at all.”

“I thought you had work tomorrow?” Flip asked, looking at you with deep lusting respect.

“You thought so, yes,” you teased. “I’m off too.”

“So, you have to put me through the ringer first to earn it, huh?” He nipped your neck.

“Maybe if you weren’t such a grouchy bastard, you wouldn’t invite being screwed with, hmmm?” You twisted your fingers into his hair. “But we’ll never know.”

“A surprise party is playin’ dirty,” he said against your neck. “That’s hittin’ below the belt.”

“Funny thing is that I agree with you.” You tugged his hair sharply enough for it to be a reprimand. “Ron badly wanted to throw you a surprise party for your fortieth. I told him that I was giving you what you really wanted for the weekend, and that you would absolutely hate a surprise party. After a debate, Ron and I agreed that if he could entice you away from me today, he could inflict his surprise party upon you and I’d help lure you into it. It was insultingly easy for him, I might add. I really thought he’d have a harder time. So, I think it’s only fair to make you suffer a little on top of it. Serves you right for leaving me for your work wife.”

“So, you all gang up on me, huh? Wonderful.” He grinned. “You almost gave me a heart attack with that fuckin’ paternity horseshit. You arranged that awfully fast.”

“I thought it was nice icing on the cake,” you grinned back. “How long do you think it takes me to type a paternity petition? Fifteen minutes tops. Goldleaf is always happy to screw with you and so is Cheatum. A good time had by all. And just think, you chose all this.” You gestured grandly to encompass the enormity of the shitshow Flip had gotten himself into, “instead of staying shut in in bed with me all day.”

“I’ll never answer my phone again unless it’s you,” Flip huffed a laugh.

Deciding he had suffered enough for now, you slung your leg over his lap to straddle him. His cock was already deliciously hard and ready for you when you sank down onto him. No matter how many times he fucked you, it was always wonderfully intense before you adjusted to accommodate him. Flip’s hands smoothed down your sides, caressing you gently now before his fingers would grip bruises into you as you rode him. He kissed your neck and rolled his hips beneath you, groaning in that heady way of his when he was losing himself in the pleasure of your body.

The water sloshed in the hottub and steam whirled around you both as he fucked an orgasm out of you and followed you down into a warm, blissful afterglow. After several moments, cock still buried inside of you, he kissed your neck a few final times and raised his head to look at you with a satisfied grin.

“I hope this birthday was one to remember, old timer,” you teased as you moved your hands to rub the knots in his broad shoulders. “Forty’s a big one.”

“I really hate birthdays,” was his only grumbled response. 

“Spoken just like a grumpy old man,” you said amid a fresh stream of soft laughter. 

“Real funny, sugar.” Flip nipped at your skin before pulling you close again for round two. “Happy fuckin’ birthday to me.”

*******************************************************************************************

© safarigirlsp 2023

Tagging some buddies! 

@babbushka @in-silks-and-flesh-and-leather @mrs-gucci @mrs-zimmerman @iamburdened @gabesprincess @rynwritesstuff @candycanes19 @caillea @cas-backwards-tie @queeniebee @mythrielofsolitude @ghoulian13 @icarusinthesea @reyloaddict55 @fizzywoohoo @heartlight-starlight @richbrittstein @clydesfavoritegirl @thepalaceofmelanie @celiholland @reveluving @vedavan @reylokisses @queen-of-elves @srorgana1 @kyloremus @looking4mymagicshop @lumberjack00fantasies

[topazshadowwolf]

Hello there, you! I have not failed to notice you going through my fics. And apparently, you didn't just stick to my Dadmare stuff, either, @chiyannad XD The Great and Wonderful Doctor W.D. Gaster and The Door?! I haven't updated it in aaaaages. Still, happy to see you enjoying my new and old works, so thanks for that.

Now, about Lyra. I am hesitant to say "OC" as an original character to me is a wholly original and not tied to a fandom. Lyra is a fan character designed to be part of the UTMV of at least HNBD. Though anyone is welcome to use her for their own creations.

Those stories you see her in are set in the future. Balance, or Lyra, will appear in HNBD, but she will be more of a side character who will play a big role... I needed someone to be a Balance/Order keeper. And I wanted someone who wasn't a Sans. So, I picked a Toriel and decided to repurpose a Toriel from an abandoned AU idea that came up years ago in Soriel Discord for her origins. In time, I will tell her story, but fewer readers are interested in her than in Dadmare, thus focusing on Dadmare.

After years of writing Soriel, I should have known that my brain would insist she should kiss a Sans. Over time, I accepted that I would be shipping her with someone. Past me thought if she were to fall for a Sans, it would be Dream. My brain did not get that memo, as she somehow fell for Nightmare. And... yeah... it will make sense when she finally starts playing her role in HNBD. That said, I still hold to no ships being in that fic. The most you will see is a budding friendship.

Anyway, her history will be part of a FuzzyNight fic, as she would only reveal it to anyone if she were in a close enough relationship. So, you gotta wait. I did write a start to that fic and referenced her home life..., but I will eventually put all my little FuzzyNight fics on AO3 so they are better organized.

As for a reference:

That first one is by me. The next two were commissioned from @tamagoneko and the last one was commissioned from @skeleplatypus

[altraviolet]

Hello Violet!!!

So I've been wondering about The Echo Garden, when you started it did you have a plan in mind? I think you get these sorts of questions often but, did you ever intend for it to get this big? And one final thing, when you went into The Echo Garden did you edit it as you go or did you write the whole thing out and then edited it? I love your work by the way, keep it up!

Hi potato-sauce!

[googles "potato sauce" to see if that's a thing, finds Czech recipe. oh hell yeah, that looks really good]

:D

>did you have a plan in mind?

I had the very rough plan of "Soundwave needs to go from not feeling to feeling, and then on the side I need to develop Soundwave/Rodimus in a realistic way against the backdrop of the Lost Light." Sub plans included "make the other alt-dimensioners each have a problem that SW solves" and "make the LL bots have different reactions to SW" and "uhhhhh he needs a hobby. crystals?"

My method of writing is more "discovery" than "planned," or at least it was until the end of the fic. Until, say around ch 40ish, I had Vague Ideas for what needed to happen in each chapter, and so I'd write them [aka each ch needs to complete X goals to push the narrative forward], and then as I went, my brain somehow magically sewed almost everything up together. Once it got towards the end of the fic, I could 'see' where things needed to end up. But even then, things were quite fluid when it came to sitting down and typing up any given chapter.

>did you ever intend for it to get this big?

No. I had no intentions at all. I didn't even have a GUESS or a THOUGHT it would get this big. The pairing was SO weird, I thought maybe 2 people would read it. Maybe. One of them has been with me since the beginning, and the other is a friend. I was SO sure everyone would go "pff weird" and skip over it. I was really nervous posting it, actually.

Keep in mind that the pairing is fairly well-known now, and that also a lot of people extrapolated soundrod from Cyberverse. so it doesn't feel weird now. BUT IT WAS INCREDIBLY WEIRD when I posted Ch 1

>when you went into The Echo Garden did you edit it as you go or did you write the whole thing out and then edited it?

I wrote it out over the period of 4 years and posted chapters as they were finished. anyone who read along as it was being posted would never know when a chapter would drop xD I tried very hard not to let too much time elapse between chapters, but sometimes there were large gaps. and other times I'd post 3 chapters within a week. I got too excited to dole them out more slowly, haha. I was bursting to share :D chapters usually came out on Sunday nights or around USA holidays, because I needed some temporal distance from my job in order to get my brain working

I don't think I could've finished the fic if I had fully written it out and then posted it. the comments I got while it was an ongoing WIP helped boost me and made me feel so happy, and that what I was doing was important and worth my time, and worth something to other people. without comments, the Echo Garden probably never would have been finished. that's why I always tell people to comment! especially on ongoing WIPs that you love. it's so encouraging and helpful for authors to know that their hard work is being enjoyed!

anyway I wrote each chapter and then edited the HECK out of it and then posted it when I was done. I also wrote a lot of things out of order, so sometimes when I got to the next chapter, I could grab a chunk of writing from my 'already written scenes' doc and then write around it to sew it into the existing story

the only editing I did after the fic was completely done was going through and fixing grammar/related mistakes. there are a couple things I would change, structurally, if I were going to go through and really edit it, as one should do with a novel. technically, the version on AO3 right now is the first draft! the fic could be edited further, but I'm going to let it stand where it is =)

thanks for the ask! cheers :)

[blackjackkent]

2024 Writing Roundup!

Tagged by @queenaeducan-writes! Thank you!

Tagging:

@bardic-inspo  @astreamofstars @morganaseren @thedarkstrategist @istibaethoriel

@rhysintherain @0ccuria @gothyanki @dungeonsdragonsandlawyers

@babygurltash @eluvisen

(I tag folks who have liked this post over here! Following me and want to be tagged in other fic writer memes like this? Drop a like there! <3 And if you don’t want to be tagged anymore just unlike the post. c: )

words posted: For purposes of this meme I'm ignoring liveblog writing and ask meme prompt fills, and only focusing on stuff on AO3, which in 2024 totaled roughly 102,482. (This is including one chapter of Open Your Eyes that was posted in 2023.)

additional words written: An uncountable amount of liveblogging, ask meme fills, and WIPs that I'm not even gonna try to guess at tbh. XD

grand total of words: No idea. But in the multiple hundreds of thousands certainly. :O

fandoms: Baldur's Gate pretty much exclusively. (I did write one small Dark Souls flash fic.)

highest kudos: 70 kudos on Prayers and Hellfire

highest hit oneshot: 2358, also on Prayers and Hellfire

new things I tried:

Pretty much everything about this year was brand new, as I've never gotten into fanfiction on this scale and with this much enthusiasm before. But writing multiple-chapter fics and writing published E-rated fic were the two biggest things, I suppose.

fic I spent the most time on: I suppose Open Your Eyes wins this by default since it is a chap fic and has five chapters in it now. (Sixth in progress!) Of the one-shots, probably Sunset or Prayers and Hellfire, which were the two longest one-shots I wrote this year.

fic I spent the least time on: Besides the aforementioned Dark Souls flashfic, probably A Bond That Needs No Name or Owlbear Vignettes, both of which started as off-the-cuff liveblog posts and then got moved to AO3 after.

favorite thing I wrote: Sunset takes the cake here; it took me by the throat and demanded I write it. It's my longest one-shot ever and I'm extremely proud of the result. Unfortunately it's probably reached the full extent of its audience (Jaheira/Khalid is a pretty niche topic) but I am so glad to have given everyone a good show. :D

Runners up here include Prayers and Hellfire, my second-longest one-shot and first attempt at published smut; and The Two Sides of the Coin, my favorite take so far on Jaheira and Karlach's friendship.

favorite thing(s) I read:

Tbh I don't read nearly as much fic as I write, which is something I maybe want to work on in the coming year, but I will shout out everything I have read by @eluvisen (including and especially the epic that I don't think is published yet 👀) and the wonderful Pulled Into Orbit by @thedarkstrategist.

writing goals for 2025:

* Finish Open Your Eyes and Fault Lines

* Write The Grand Reunion once Fault Lines is done.

* Continue exploring Jaheira-related fic out of the enormous list of ideas in my backlog.

* Continue regular ask prompts and liveblogging.

* Don't burn out. XD

new works:

Gonna do like @queenaeducan-writes did and do a full summary even though evidently that wasn't the original intention of the question. XD

* The Blind and the Silent - Dark Souls flashfic set in the End of Fire ending of Dark Souls 3

* What Good, This Heart of Stone? - Hector and Lae'zel handle overwhelming emotions by beating the crap out of each other.

* A Bond That Needs No Name - Jaheira and Minsc reconnect after his rescue from the Absolutists.

* Owlbear Vignettes - Camp adventures with Buddy the Owlbear.

* Zariel's Crucible - Enver Gortash's final test for Karlach before selling her to the hells.

* Comrades and Lost Children - Karlach and Jaheira bond by the fire after Moonrise.

* The Two Sides of the Coin - Karlach and Jaheira discuss loss and being left behind.

* Prayers and Hellfire (NSFW) - Hector and Karlach's first time together (and Hector's first ever).

* Sky-High - Karlach, with Hector's help, wrangles the tiefling refugee children after the battle at Moonrise.

* Broken Little Puppets - Karlach supports Astarion after his stand against Cazador.

* The Hellraisers (hiatused chap fic) - Hector, Karlach, and Wyll's adventures in the hells, post-game.

* We Who Have Faced Gods - Hector, Karlach, and Jaheira talk on the road towards Baldur's Gate.

* Quiet Zone (NSFW) - Hector and Karlach, during their Avernus adventures, find a private moment together in the library of the House of Hope.

* Fresh Meat - Karlach remembers a dark moment early in her time in Zariel's army.

* Fault Lines (WIP chap fic) - how Jaheira and Nine-Fingers know each other, and how their friendship fell apart.

* Open Your Eyes and It Will Blind You (WIP chap fic) - origin story for Jaheira and Rasaad's relationship, and an adventure for the BG2 gang investigating a Sharran invasion in Rasaad's monastery in Calimport.

* A Harper's Bonds (ongoing anthology) - collection of short stories/prompt fills at different periods in Jaheira's life.

* Sunset - Khalid's death, and memories of Jaheira that gave him strength.

[crystals-of-light]

Today is my birthday, so I did something very self-indulgent and posted my crack isekai fanfic over on my Ao3 page.

Saving Your World (Making it my own)

I wake up at the start of the ShB expac, and proceed to utterly destroy canon, yell at my favorite idiots, and somehow work to make things better.

It has already veered off the rails, by the way. And it took me like twenty minutes to come up with the creative title. XD Please leave a comment, or at least a kudo?

[hoffstrap-yuri]

A Hedonistic Streak

ao3 // masterlist

Art by @dixxiemaegraphics

*Summary: Hoffman didn't mind shutting his brain off. He felt like it was a treat after a day at work as a detective. Apparently, someone else on the internet didn't seem to mind much either.

*Rating: +18 for mature explicit content.

*Content/Tags: Smut, Shameless Smut, PWP, Modern Era, Feeding Kink, Hand Feeding, Slob, Huc0w elements, Alternate Universe

*Status: Oneshot/Complete

Author's Notes: First of all, thank you to dixxiemaegraphics on tumblr this artwork that I commissioned especially for this fic that I put at the end. They knocked it out of the ball park as always, and I hope you all will enjoy the art as well! Second, Happy HalloChristNew Year! This fic is so long overdue, but I wanted to make sure it was good enough to live up to the title of my 100th fic on AO3 before I uploaded it! In the time it took for me to write this, I managed to finish the newest Dragon Age game, start a new job, celebrate the aforementioned holidays, and get a new laptop. So you can say I was a little bit busy xD. I hope you'll enjoy this pure smut because I certainly enjoyed writing it.

Hoffman glanced down at his watch. He had thirty minutes before he’d be going live and still had so much to set up. He quickly threw his work clothes off to the side out of the camera’s gaze and walked into his kitchen. He pulled a liter of soda he’d been saving for this stream out of his fridge and carried the four pizza boxes up to his room. He threw them down on the makeshift table he had before slipping on a tight fitting t-shirt that just barely covered his stomach but would ride up after maybe two slices of his dinner. He didn’t worry about his lower half nearly as much since the camera wouldn’t pick it up. He adjusted his seat, making sure his face was out of frame, and when he was ready hopped online. He’d barely even let a sigh slip past his lips and his most devoted followers were already there to watch him. He let his lower lip dip into the frame as he couldn’t hold back the smirk at seeing these perverts so willingly wasting their time to watch him eat.

“Hi everyone, did you miss me?” He asked. His voice was smooth and warm like he was in these people’s houses with them. “In case you’re new here… I’m the piggy apprentice and I love to eat. Today, I’m going to be eating pizza…” He opened the first box and showed it off to the camera, careful to make sure the logo on the box wasn’t in plain view since it was from a local place and not a chain. “I’ve got three more of these big guys waiting for me after I finish this one.” Immediately, a message from one of the first people to log in:

“Quit talking, stuff your face.”

“I will, I will.” Mark had to laugh, “Sounds like someone can’t keep it in their pants tonight, huh?” He slowly pulled a slice out from the box, giving that viewer blue balls as he waited for the cheese pull to break off on its own. He shoved the pizza into his mouth quickly, talking between bites. “You know, normally, I’d tell you all what I’m eating… how much I plan on eating on the stream, but today I feel like just getting into it. I’m sure I’ve got at least some approval to just go right ahead and make a mess out of myself.” Another message from the same guy:

“You were barely able to handle two pizzas last time you ate, fat ass. What makes you think you can handle two more?”

“That was a long time ago.” He rounded his lips as he blew the steam off his next piece of pizza, “You must’ve been watching me for a long time if you remember the last time I ate pizza. Honestly, it’s real cute of you to keep sticking around to watch me.” His eyes glazed over with lust as the words spilled out without much thought. This is why he did it, because unlike his normal job, Mark didn’t have to think. He didn’t have to find the right words to say to avoid conflict, didn’t have to make himself smaller to impress other people, he could do what he did best: mindlessly eat and flirt. In a blink of an eye his first pizza was gone, he pouted a little bit as he opened up the next box knowing that this would be his least favorite of the pizzas this evening. “You know… I was trying to be a little bit healthy with this one, getting green peppers on this, but now I wish I had just gotten extra sausage instead.”

“Like eating two pizzas in one night is healthy for anyone?”

Mark looked at the viewer count, it was just him and his devoted follower. He bit the inside of his lip before asking, “Were we being too horny for other people? Or did my attention seemed too focused on you?” His bottom teeth showed up at the edge of the screen as he smiled at the man watching him. “I guess… if you’re the only one here with me, I could get a bit messier than normal. If that’s something you want.”

“Be the disgusting, useless pig you were born to be.”

Mark nodded as he read the message, using his shirt as a napkin to wipe the grease off from his hand then diving in to grab more. Instead of one slice he grabbed two. He moaned as he managed to fit both slices into his mouth. He chewed quietly, trying to get his cheeks to deflate before he checked what messages his mystery man sent him.

“Maybe you’re not a pig, but a cow with those huge tits you’ve got.”

“What these?” Hoffman took his greasy hand and purposefully cupped as much of his chest as he could with one hand. He let out a soft moan as he slowly massaged it. “Maybe you’re right, maybe I am a cow…” He used his other hand to throw back another slice while he rubbed his thumb over his nipple under his shirt. Slowly, he snaked a hand underneath the creeping shirt and gave his stomach a quick pat. “Don’t even feel like I’ve eaten anything yet. Look at how soft it still is…” Almost immediately, his viewer responded to him:

“Then finish that second pizza and get on with the third one. Have to tell you to do everything around here, don’t I?”

“You just love how dumb I act while I eat, don’t you?” Mark cooed, “You like mindless cows stuffing their faces for your pleasure?”

“If your fat ass can finish your pizzas in the next thirty minutes, I’ll buy dessert.”

“God you’re too sweet…” Mark replied, tossing the second pizza box off in the same direction he threw the other one to get started on the third. His jaw was starting to get a bit sore from all the chewing but managed to two pizzas down, all the while continuing to flirt with the man. Nobody else dared enter Mark’s stream. Was his viewer his guardian angel? He let out a loud burp as he threw the fourth box on top of the rest and stood up from his chair. He groaned as all the weight in his stomach shifted while he stood in front of his camera, showing off how round his belly had become. He poked and prodded the taut skin, releasing more noises from his mouth while he waited for his man to say something to him. “Like what you’re seeing?”

“Dm your address. I’ll send whatever you want.”

“And if I asked for caviar?”

“You’d get it. You’ve been so good tonight.”

Mark purred as he leaned in, letting his belly droop over the table but careful to keep his face out of frame. He let out a pained little laugh as he did his best to scroll through his computer and get into his admirer’s private messages. He sent the man his address and a teasing little message, “Can you get me a whole cake?”

“Delivery will be there in 30 minutes.”

“Thank you.” He said, plopping back down into his chair. He let a belch out as he settled back into his spot. He quietly turned off his camera before sending another message. “You know since it’s just you and me… we could talk.”

“How was your day?”

“Kind of forward of you.” Mark laughed to himself but supposed it wouldn’t hurt him if he got a little more personal. “Day was pretty good… better now that I got to shut my brain off for a while and eat. Hope you enjoyed yourself.”

“Always do. You do this all day?”

“No. I couldn’t afford to eat that much all the time if I didn’t work.”

“Can’t imagine you working and actually having to use that brain of yours for something other than telling your hands to bring food up to your mouth.”

“Yeah? Would it surprise you if I told you I was actually good at my job?” Mark asked, trying to get under this man’s skin. He slowly started palming the bulge in his underwear while he waited for a response. The man kept typing then stopping, typing, stopping… until he finally came up with something to say.

“Wish I could be there to massage that stomach of yours. Maybe help you make room for that dessert.”

“Don’t worry, babe… working on making all the room for that cake you bought.” Mark had to roll his eyes. Was that really the best his man could do after sitting there and typing for almost five minutes? Not that he was keeping track. He just needed his phone handy for when his food shows up. “Now that you have my address, you could always come and feed me yourself if you’re in the area.”

“Might just take you up on that some time.”

“I bet I could eat even more if you were here.”

“I could make you beg for every last bite you get from me.”

When he noticed that the driver was nearby, he threw on some extra loose sweat pants and a sweatshirt to meet the driver. He got his cake and stared at the box for a second before heading back inside. He waddled back to his computer as fast as he could with his sheet cake in hand and typed to his admirer. “Just got the cake. Might take me a while to eat this… Not even sure I have enough room in me tonight.”

“Have it as breakfast then. Dive in face first so everyone at work can see what a disgusting pig you are.”

Hoffman hummed to himself as he imagined his co-workers’ disgust as he walked in with frosting smeared across his face. They’d already taken to calling him names behind his back when they didn’t think he was listening and he couldn’t deny how hot he found it. “I would love all that sugar to get me going in the morning, but I don’t think my co-workers would find it nearly as cute as you do.”

“Is it too much if I ask for pictures when you do eat it?” He asked, suddenly getting shy on Mark.

“Sure, but I’m not going to show any more of my face than I normally would.” He sent back quickly

“Fine by me. Hear from you tomorrow?”

“You’ll definitely be hearing from me.”

“Good night.”

And like that, his viewer was gone. Hoffman glanced back at his cake before firmly deciding that there was no way he could get a piece down this evening and needed to sleep instead. He flopped into bed and thought about the guy on the other side of the screen. Had he gotten off to Mark eating this time? Was he also thinking about how incredibly full Mark was after all that, but still hoping for more with his cake? He hauled his heavy ass up from out of bad and walked back over to the sheet cake. He opened the top up and after making sure he had his phone ready, took a handful of cake out from the corner. He ate from his hand, savoring the frosting as he let the dessert slide down his throat with ease. He took a picture of the cake, his hand, and the messy corner of his lip that he purposefully smeared with excess frosting. “Guess I just couldn’t wait for tomorrow morning.” and signed it with a heart emoji. After cleaning himself up and stripping out of his dirty clothes he fell asleep with the thought of what his viewer would have to say about the photos in the morning.

After their first stream, Hoffman had basically turned his streams into his viewer’s personal streams. Nobody got the cop by day’s attention like he did. He was crass and seemed like no matter what Mark did, had a stick up his ass. Every one of his messages read like a man so in the feeder closet he lived in Narnia, and frankly it turned Mark on to edge him just a little bit more each time. Tonight, he would binge on some doughnuts and talk. Not that he would see his viewer’s face, but they seemed like they almost had something after all this flirting between the two. As soon as his camera was on, his viewer’s status went from offline to online like that.

“Hello… mhm, we’ve only been going at this for a month or so and you’ve branded me as your cow. What pet name do you like?”

“Whatever you want to call me is fine” his viewer answered with haste.

“Honey feels right on my lips, but if you disagree… you can always come over and take it off.”

“I’m flattered.”

“That’s all you have to say, hm?” Mark raised an eyebrow. Not that he would see, but it made Hoffman laugh. He pursed his lips into an ‘oh’ shape before asking, “Want to know what I have planned tonight or just want me to start eating?”

“Tell me your plan.”

“Well I’ve got about five dozen doughnuts… a little gift leftover from work if you will, that I was going to eat for you. But that’s really all I had planned. I already started on the way home.” He rubbed the top of his growing gut, showing off the room it still had for more.

“Looks like you managed to get a dozen down already.”

“I did, had to break into the second dozen because I was absolutely starving. Don’t worry, eating five dozen doughnuts will be like nothing to me.”

“Shame, I like seeing you with a challenge.”

“Why don’t you set a timer then?”

“Finish it in an hour and a half for me?”

“You’re too sweet.” Mark opened the second of five boxes and immediately finished the last three doughnuts in there before moving onto the third. He was a little bit worried about the fourth box since it was filled with the stuffed doughnuts, but he didn’t need to worry about that now. Right now, he needed milk as the sugar caught up to his taste buds. He knew the man didn’t want to see him pour out a skimpy glass of milk, so instead he twisted the lid off and drank straight from the gallon like the fat ass he was. He cursed under his breath as some of the milk dribbled down his chin and onto his poor stretched out t-shirt that was barely hanging onto Mark as it was these days. “Not that you can see them, but I’ve got cow ears now to help me power through my meals when it feels like I just can’t eat anymore.”

“Bet you look hot with those on.”

“You’re right, I do look hot. I look even hotter when my eyes get all glazed over and there’s food all over my mouth and I’ve got my ears on.”

“Now you’re just teasing me.”

“Mhm, maybe I am.” Hoffman adjusted himself under his table. He finished the third box with almost an hour left to work on the next two boxes. He carefully looked down at his next box before taking the Bavarian crème doughnut out and sucking the filling from the hole it was piped into. He ate the empty shell then continued the same process with a long john. “You’ve been quiet for a while. Got anything to say?”

“Your thick lips look so sensual wrapped around that doughnut.”

“You’re being too nice. I’m a fat ass aren’t I? I managed to eat three dozen in an hour and I’ll have this one down in the next couple of minutes.” He snaked his hand into the fifth box, taking a frosted doughnut out just to change it up a little bit. After all, he could only eat so much filling. His eyes were starting to droop, his brain screamed at him to stop eating about two boxes ago. He looked at the camera then the screen for some kind of validation from his viewer.

“You’re a fucking heifer. Well past a pig, and damn near as heavy as a cow.”

“That’s what I like to hear, honey. Especially when I’ve had such a tough day at work. I bet you’d love to hear about it, huh?” Hoffman palmed his bulge, knowing that his words would probably make the man snap.

“Why don’t you just shut up you sack of lard? After all, your job can’t be that hard. You shut your brain off a long time ago to become the useless cow that you are.”

“Fuck…” Hoffman muttered under his breath, “I mean… moo.”

“That’s right, fatty. Cows don’t use words do they? They just moo and graze. I bet you don’t even have the energy to squeal like a pig if I came over and played with your fat rolls. No, you’re just a fucking heifer in every sense of the word. Can you feel my hands run over your tits as I plow into you from behind? The bites my teeth would leave on your stomach given the chance?”

If Hoffman had a tail, it would be flying right about now. He knocked the second to last box out like it was breathing, and demolished the last box with almost a half an hour to spare. He tried in vain to cover his mouth every time a burp or a hiccup came up his throat but got tired of it quickly. Once some of his brain cells returned to the forefront, he asked his viewer. “Well, did I put on a good show for you?”

“Best yet.” was the short reply he received. He didn’t say anything, but the other man’s curt answer rubbed him the wrong way. Almost as if he could sense his displeasure, the viewer’s typing icon lit up. “Wish I was there to clean those crumbs off your shirt myself. Or help you relieve all that tension in your stomach.”

“You’re too sweet.”

“Want anything? I’m buying.” He offered

“Something super salty. French fries would be heavenly right about now.” Hoffman had to laugh. The desserts would only settle more, like a brick wall forming in his gut and he still wanted to eat something for this man. Was he insane?

“Got it.”

“I could just about kiss you.” Hoffman leaned into his camera, pressing the thick bottom lip over the edge of his computer.

“I have to go for the night.” His viewer typed quickly, “See you tomorrow?”

“I might still be in a food coma tomorrow. But as always, I’ll let you know if I feel like I can get something down.”

“Please do… good night.”

“Good night.” Hoffman let the words trail over his lips as the viewer left. Hoffman didn’t even try to make it to his bed. He took a comfortable nap in the chair for a second before getting up to greet the delivery driver for his fries. He massaged the tight orb at his center and nibbled at the fries. The salt cut the sluggish feeling that the sugar provided him but it wasn’t enough. After finishing his light snack, he passed out on the nearby couch and woke up the next morning. He groggily threw himself into the shower, his stomach still slightly swollen from his previous night’s excess. He didn’t have time to dwell on the session, but he did run his fingers over the tuft of hair just below his belly button. After that moment of something quiet he remembered he had to get to work. After stopping to get coffee on his way in, he tiredly waltzed into work.

“Rough night, huh?” One of his co-workers remark. Mark mimes his coworker’s words behind the co-worker’s back before answering him.

“Yeah. Rough.” He took a sip from his coffee before walking across the bullpen and into his office. Not long after he had settled into his seat, his supervisor came in and told him to get his ass down to a crime scene. Must’ve been something high profile if they needed him on the scene of all people. He shrugged it off and headed to the scene. He stopped by another coffee place on his way to the scene and sat in his car for a moment. He seriously contemplated quitting right then and there, but managed to talk himself back out of it after the first sip from the new drink. Slowly, he got out from his car and walked in to be briefed by someone from forensics. While he poked around the edge of the scene, mostly uninterrupted two agents from the FBI walked in. Hoffman had to roll his eyes. He couldn’t deal with his swollen stomach and their inflated egos today. He really should’ve just stayed home. After that, he finally processed that the two were walking up to him.

“Detective.” The woman was the first to talk to him, “My name’s Agent Perez and this is my partner, Agent… Strahm.” She paused as it seemed like Agent Strahm had an aversion to being too close to the detective. Hoffman shook hands with Perez before leaning in to close the distance between him and Strahm and taking his hand by force. The other man looked down at Hoffman’s hand with a look of disgust that flashed across his face for only a second, but was evident to Hoffman. Mark could confidently say he felt the same way about the agent. Perez snapped Hoffman back into focus. “Why don’t you tell us what you know about this case?”

“There’s been a serial killer, as of right now this murder seems… unrelated.” Hoffman shrugged

“Unrelated my ass.” Strahm muttered under his breath. He crossed his arms in front of him before asking, “There must be something here.”

“If you can find a connection that five of my officers couldn’t, then congratulations. You get to say you’re the smartest man here.”

“Couldn’t be that hard with a guy like you running the scene.” Strahm pushed past Hoffman, brushing against Hoffman’s arm as he stormed off. The agent took a quick look back, maybe to see if Hoffman was phased before turning his attention to the crime scene. Perez rolled her eyes and looked in the opposite direction, politely asking if she could look further into something that one of Hoffman’s officers seemed to be studying intensely. Normally Hoffman would put up more of a fight when an FBI agent felt like turning his crime scenes into a pissing contest, but something about Strahm seemed like he was avoiding Hoffman personally rather than trying to assert his jurisdiction over the case. He slowly walked up to Strahm as Strahm squatted over a blood splatter, eyeing up the pattern and how it could end up where it was. Hoffman leaned forward slightly, his belly straining against the buttons at the front of his dress shirt. Strahm’s eyes darted towards the other man before averting them just as fast.

“Something the matter, agent?”

“I’m trying to think, fa… you fucker.”

“Sounds like you had something else on your mind.” Hoffman kept pressing at Strahm’s already tenuous buttons

“Do you do any actual work at your crime scenes?” Strahm scoffed, once again looking at Hoffman’s center rather than his eyes. Hoffman adjusted himself so that he was standing upright. He crossed his arms right under his chest and let them rest against the top of his stomach.

“I didn’t become the head of the department because my ass looks pretty in a mini-skirt. If that’s what you’re thinking.” Hoffman scoffed right back at Strahm. Strahm turned around fully to face him, only to draw back into himself as he realized his finger was dangerously close to jabbing into one of Hoffman’s pecs.

“I wasn’t thinking about that, pervert.” Strahm sputtered. Clearly Hoffman had touched a nerve. In order to ‘foster a co-operative work environment’ most would back off now, but that wasn’t Hoffman’s goal. He just had to wait for his opportunity. He backed away from the agent for a minute or two but never let him out of his line of sight. Lindsey seemed to be circling the two as well but was pulled away when asked for help by one of Hoffman’s subordinates. Finally, it was just the two men alone at the scene. Strahm walked over to the detective and handed him a small evidence bag. “Only thing I could find that your officers didn’t. Congratulations I guess.” Hoffman practically threw the baggie off to the side and rushed Strahm like a bull, taking the other man by utter surprise. Hoffman only stopped when he heard Strahm’s back make a soft thud noise against the drywall.

“Let’s quit playing games, Agent.” Hoffman slipped into his seductive voice that he reserved for his extra curricular activities. A flush spread across Strahm’s face all the way to the tips of his ear. His eyes refused to meet Hoffman’s, even as one of the detective’s hands took hold of Strahm’s chin and forced his head down slightly. Strahm stared into him, looking past Hoffman’s pupils.

“You’re the one playing games with me… you fucking heifer.”

Suddenly it clicked for Hoffman. Oh, oh this was too juicy for him not to tease him more for.

“You’re the perv that’s been watching me?” Hoffman leaned in, speaking no louder than a whisper into the fed’s ear. Strahm shivered and his face turned even more red. “I knew something was up when you walked in, but I didn’t know that my knight in shining armor would come strolling into my life like this.”

“Can’t fucking believe this…” Strahm muttered, mostly to himself.

“Tell me what you’re thinking.” Hoffman’s mouth hovered over Strahm’s neck, aching to kiss the man that had been waiting for him on the other side of his computer screen right then. Goosebumps crawled across the agent’s skin and his breathing became heavy. It sounded like he was really struggling to come up with something.

“You told me you actually had to think at your job, and I couldn’t fucking believe it… no wonder you like mindlessly eating for my attention, you fat fuck.” The bass in his voice echoed through Hoffman as he sat with Strahm’s words. Now it was Hoffman’s turn to be stunned into silence. Strahm’s hands found themselves on Hoffman’s stomach after a moment of hesitation. He gave the doughy skin a firm squeeze before massaging the fat with more care than Hoffman ever thought a feeder would give him. Strahm’s hands continued to roam across Hoffman’s body mindlessly as his eyes fixated on Hoffman’s lips, desperately begging for contact without words between the two. Hoffman smirked and pressed the full weight of his body into Strahm before finally giving the agent what he wanted. His thick lips devoured the other man’s mouth in a kiss. Strahm broke the contact first as he ran his thumb over Hoffman’s bottom lip.

“What if someone sees us?” He asked, eyeing up Hoffman’s lips for another kiss while he feigned modesty.

“If it’s any of my officers, they’ll turn around and act like they didn’t see shit. What about if it’s little miss girl scout?”

“She’ll clear her throat and make it known she’s here. And she has a name, dick.” Strahm took Hoffman’s hands off of him before he started playing with his own shirt collar. “You free tonight?”

“No.” Hoffman rolled his eyes, “I’m eating on camera for this fucking pervert who can’t pick up on any of my hints about how badly I want him to stuff my face.”

“Dumbass.” Strahm hissed, “Fine. I’ll come over and stuff your fucking face, you want that you cow?”

“Great I’ll see you there.” Hoffman walked off with an air of confidence. He had some paperwork to fill out once he got back to the precinct, but he definitely wouldn’t mind filling it out now that he had a date waiting on the other side of it.

Hoffman bit down on his lip. He had no idea what to expect from Strahm and thus didn’t bring any food home with him. God he really felt like he was starving without his after work snack before a proper meal. He wore the loosest clothes he still had left, not bothering with pants that’d be discarded quickly for one reason or another. He heard the knock on his door, checked the peephole and barely cracked the door open to let Strahm in. His hand went immediately to the center of the agent’s chest, and his head titled in anticipation for the hungry kiss he knew Strahm was going to lay onto him. As expected, Strahm’s teeth dug into the skin of Hoffman’s lips and pushed Hoffman back into his apartment. He placed his hands firmly against Hoffman’s love handles and moved his mouth towards Mark’s jawline. Hoffman slid his hand down, teasing Strahm as if he was about to undo the other man’s belt only to wrap his fist around the plastic carry out bag handles that the agent had pressing into him.

“What’d you get me?” Hoffman bit his lip, waiting for an answer from Strahm. Any confidence the other man had was gone now that Hoffman was looking at him with such desire.

“Just… some burgers.” He cleared his throat before continuing. “Thought you’d look cute with grease running down that stupid face of yours.”

“Let’s start then.” Hoffman took his arm and pulled him towards the room he usually stuffed himself in. “Give me one and unwrap the next one right away.”

“Okay.”

Hoffman ate the first one without much hesitation, inhaling it rather than just eating it. He held his hand out for Strahm to give him the second and ate that just as fast.

“At least tell me you got me something besides just the burgers.”

“Yeah, fries too.” Strahm grumbled a little

“You’ve seen me clean up five dozen donuts like it was nothing. Are you really surprised I’d ask if there was more food?”

“No.”

“Good. Give me the fries now.” Hoffman demanded. Strahm put the bag into Hoffman’s hand and pulled another burger out from the bag. Just as Hoffman was about to tell Strahm to give him the sandwich, Strahm shoved the bun up against Hoffman’s lips. Hoffman bit down into the burger and ate as Strahm fed it to him. Strahm brought the next one up to his lips in a similar fashion and Hoffman finished it before mouthing off. “Big ass burgers you got me…”

“Don’t act like you don’t like it.” Strahm rolled his eyes slowly. Hoffman could feel that he was close to his limit. He wanted Strahm to count the wrappers and tell him how many he’d eaten but he wanted to get more in before he was completely full. “You’ve eaten at least six of these fucking things.”

“Yeah?” Hoffman looked up at him with lust filled eyes

“One of those is probably like three burgers for a normal person.” Strahm walked behind Hoffman’s chair. His hand slid under Hoffman’s belly. He lifted the heavy mass up only to let it drop onto Hoffman’s lap with a noticeable thud. A moan escaped from Hoffman’s lips as Strahm’s hand firmly rubbed circles into his stomach. “I could probably fit two more in there and being the stupid cow you are would ignore every other part of your body telling you ‘enough’s enough’.”

That’s right, Hoffman was Strahm’s cow. A greedy, mindless cow.

“Hell I could probably fit a baby in you and no one would be able to tell where your bump ended and your fat started.” Strahm’s hand snuck below the elastic of Hoffman’s underwear. “You’d look so good carrying my calf, you fucking heifer.”

Hoffman’s teeth were threatening to tear the inside of his lip open as Strahm talked to him. With a quick jerk out of the chair, Strahm sat on Hoffman’s bed and ran his hand over the silver belt buckle. Still in a head fog, Hoffman leaned into Strahm and wrestled with the cold metal himself. Strahm used his fingers to force Hoffman’s face to look at him. The detective’s heart caught in his throat as the agent’s lips pressed against his, softer this time for some reason. When Hoffman returned the kiss with a familiar hunger Strahm stopped playing nice and kissed with some passion behind it. He only disconnected from his fatass to pull the struggling shirt off over Hoffman’s head and strip his underwear off.

“You’re even fucking bigger than your stupid little work outfit makes you look.” Strahm’s nostrils flared as he looked over Hoffman. Hoffman hated how much he loved being glanced over by the agent like this. It was completely personal but felt impersonal; like Strahm wanted to distance himself from his creation but if Hoffman was the one to pull away, he’d only be pulled back by his leash harder. “Ride me.”

No ‘please’, no ‘you need a minute?’. This was about what Strahm wanted. Hoffman carefully maneuvered around his full belly to grab the lube and handed it to Strahm. Strahm shoved two fingers up into Hoffman to ease him into this. Hoffman scoffed for a second only to be shut up by the feeling of Strahm shoving himself into Hoffman. Mark couldn’t hold back the moan that ensued as Strahm began thrusting up into him. He wrapped his arms carefully around Strahm’s neck as the man let out grunts from the effort of holding Hoffman upright.

“Making me do all the fucking work, huh?” Strahm’s lips trailed along Hoffman’s jawline. Hoffman slowly bucked his hips up into Strahm’s, desperate for another point of contact between the two of them. Strahm moved his hands down along Hoffman’s back and gave his ass a generous squeeze before bringing them to the detective’s front and pressed down on his thighs to keep him from bouncing down too hard onto Strahm. The agent’s finger tips dug in so perfectly to the plush skin on top of him, it was all getting to be too much. With a couple more firm thrusts up into Hoffman, Strahm finished inside of him. He pulled out slowly, despite Hoffman’s whines.

“You’re really going to fill me up and not let me get off?” he pouted. Strahm leaned in for a kiss that turned into a bit of a fight as Strahm’s teeth sunk into the inside of Hoffman’s mouth. With all his weight, Strahm pushed Hoffman onto his back and ran a hand over the still firm curve of Hoffman’s stomach. He massaged some of the tension away, trailing his hand down to the other man’s dick. He slowly jerked Hoffman off. Already in an overeaten state of bliss, Hoffman didn’t take long to cum into Strahm’s hand as the agent brought the ejaculation up to his mouth. He licked his hand clean in plain view of the detective.

“God you drive me insane, you fat fuck.” He let out a sigh. He used his palm to apply pressure against Hoffman’s belly, rubbing circle after circle into the distended orb at Hoffman’s center. Hoffman was barely able to let words slip from his lips, continuously interrupted by belches he couldn’t keep in from Strahm’s soothing. The agent’s lips connected with Hoffman’s earlobe, kissing behind his ear as they both came down from the feeding high. When Hoffman could finally string his words together, he asked Strahm,

“Was that everything you hoped for?” His eyes were still glazed over

“Yeah… It was pretty good.” Strahm nuzzled into the crook of Hoffman’s neck.

“Just good?” Hoffman rolled away as best as he could, only for Strahm to pull him in closer. “You’ve got some high standards for ‘good’, ass.”

“Can’t let your ego swell as big as your stomach.” Strahm snipped back at him. He only pulled away from Hoffman when he saw that Hoffman’s eyes were growing heavy and went to turn the lights off for the two of them.

“Peter?” He asked in an almost sing-songy voice

Strahm choked a bit on his own spit as he tried to answer Mark in a timely manner, “Y-Yeah?”

“Wanna feed me again sometime?”

“Yeah, yeah I do.”

“Maybe I could stream it. Show off that it’s been you making me fatter this whole time.”

“Or I could just film you, for myself.”

“Perv.” Hoffman kissed his partner and leaned into him. Strahm’s hand ran up the outside of Hoffman’s thigh, rubbing in small circles along the bigger man’s love handles. “Can you promise me something?”

“Probably.”

“‘Probably’? What good are you?”

“Fine, what?”

“Bring me dessert too next time.”

“You got it.”

[leatafandom]

A Night In

Fandom/Ship: Smallville/DCU - Clex - Clark Kent/Lex Luthor     

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 669

Warnings and Tags: fluff, domestic fluff, established relationship, canon what cannon, quick writings, surprises, longing, separation, decorations, Lex knows Clark is Superman, gentle touches, kissing, comfort, mild hurt mostly comfort

Summary: Clark hadn't been home in weeks, and before that the two had barely gotten to spend any time together. After watching the news and keeping an eye on his partner while he fought another intergalactic battle, Lex decided to take matters into his own hands. Created for the Clexmas Prompt: “You did all of this yourself?”

Author Note: Another short quick one for @idabbleincrazy’s Clexmas Event~ I just love the idea of Lex doing things himself even though he could get a guy for it and also that he would fear a well-trained butler xD

Read, A Night In, Rated Teen, in full below or on my Ao3.

*note, this story (and all of my others) on Ao3 is locked for registered Ao3 users.

A Night In

They had been fighting for time with each other for months leading up to the holidays to no avail. There was always another board meeting, another crisis, another story, and all of it always got in the way of them. They'd seen each other, sure, but mostly it was for a quick meal or when they were sleeping. However, after Clark left for the space station, unsure when he’d be home, they both were feeling the loss. 

As Clark took the private elevator to their shared penthouse in Metropolis, finally back on Earth after stopping another alien incursion and spending weeks in space, even he felt weary. His eyes were closed as he leaned back on the elevator wall, he let exhaustion sweep through him. At the ding, he groaned at having to move, but forced himself to push off of the back wall, looking forward to eating something and a hot shower in his own home. 

His feet shuffled, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes before finally looking around their living room. A sound of surprise left him as he looked around. Neither of them had bothered to decorate this year, both too busy to think about it, and he hadn't thought in his absence that Lex would take the initiative. 

“Welcome home.”

“Lex…” Clark didn't look away from the twinkling lights that lined their ceiling and led to the fully decorated tree at Lex's voice. “You did all of this yourself?” He questioned looking over the small figurines they had picked out years ago while on a trip to Central City. 

The older man shrugged, walking to him. “I thought you'd want to come home to something festive after…” a frown marred his lips, thinking about the newsreels and updates he'd been tracking on the attack that Superman and the Justice League had stopped. It had been long and dragged out. “How is everyone?” 

Clark sighed, resting his hands on Lex's sides when he was close enough. “Everyone's alright, J'onn got injured, but he'll be okay.” He looked from Lex's concerned expression before looking around them. He hadn't been expecting the older man to be home, let alone home and awake. “This is beautiful,” he added, smiling at the fireplace that was crackling in the center of the room. 

Lex hummed, rubbing his chest. “I'm glad you think so,” he smiled as Clark leaned down for a kiss, returning it easily. 

Clark melted slightly into him at the first kiss they had shared in much too long. His right hand moved to cup the back of Lex's head, deepening the kiss briefly before pulling back with a content sigh. 

“Thank you.” 

Lex hummed, his hands sliding around Clark's sides and holding him close. “I also told everyone I was taking a few days off.” 

“Good, I had the same idea,” Clark said, both knowing someone would still try to contact the shareholder tomorrow, but at least they would have tonight. “I told everyone I needed a day too.” 

“Hopefully, everyone leaves us alone,” he said against his lips, pressing another kiss to the younger man's lips. “You deserve a break, Clark, even Kryptonians need rest.” Lex tilted his head back, kissing him again. “Why don't you take a shower, and I'll check on dinner?” Lex asked, pulling back with a smile, laughing at Clark's apprehension. “Don't worry, I didn't do that by myself.” 

“Oh good,” relief was clear on the brunette’s figures, “I don't think I have the energy to pretend to eat.” Clark teased, squeezing Lex's sides slightly, happy to have him. “Thank you, Lex, really. I missed you.” He sighed at having to let go of him to shower. 

“I missed you too, spaceman,” he hummed, kissing him one more time. “Go shower. You smell worse than the Bat Cave.” 

“I'm telling him you said that,” Clark huffed, finally pulling away.

“I don't fear the Bat,” Lex scoffed before thinking about it and stopping Clark's pull away from him. “But, don't tell Alfred.”